[1] Midnight Lips | Ghost

𝐂𝐇. 79

𝐕𝐀𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐀
༻❁༺

     I never wanted to wake up in the first place, because when I did, I realized it hadn't been just a nightmare. It had been more real than reality, if that was even possible. It only happened 12 hours ago, but it kept repeating in my head as if it was happening right at this moment, as if it was happening in front of me and I was tied to the bed unable to do anything. And I deserved it, really, to suffer this way after what I had done.

Simon 'Ghost' Riley was presumed dead. Presumed, not confirmed, which meant there was still a chance he might be alive. I kept grasping at that belief because I refused to believe he was gone, even when it happened in front of my eyes, even if I was the reason for it. He just couldn't be dead. Falling into that fire couldn't be the last time I saw him.

I pressed my eyes together, trying to keep it all together. The doctor left the room just now after she described my injuries, how they were treated, and when they would heal. I barely paid any attention. Jonathan Price did, too. Just left, that is, after telling me about the news and how he was searching for him, for Simon, and how he believed he might not be successful.

I told him I'd believe the news if he ever found the body.

I opened my eyes and stared at the lights above me, sinking into my thoughts again. They got interrupted when the door to the room cracked open and Soap peeked his head in. "Hi." He gave me a sad smile, and I kind of wished he would just try to joke about something instead of showing pity. I hated pity. All those years ago, at my sister's funeral, I was surrounded by pity, and it felt suffocating. I promised to never get those looks again. Not even now.

Soap came in shutting the door close behind him, then sat down at one of the chairs in the corner of the room and stared at me. I looked away from him when he didn't say anything. Honestly, I was surprised that he came to visit me. I thought that after the mission was completed, he'd do something else other than get stuck in the hospital with me. Yet here he was, and it made the room feel a little less empty.

A hissing sound filled the room as Soap dragged his chair across the room and came to a stop right next to the hospital bed. He rested his hand on top of mine and squeezed. I let the comfort take over me.

"I'm really sorry."

"Did you know there was someone after Simon?" I asked, turning my head toward him. His wide eyes told me he had no idea what I was talking about. It was enough for an answer. "They paid someone else for his death."

"I—"

"But I ended up being the one who killed him."

Soap shook his head, squeezing my hand again gently. "It was an accident, and absolutely not your fault."

"I could've fought harder." My eyes filled with unshed tears, but I refused to cry in front of Soap. In front of anyone, really, except... well. "If only I had been stronger, he'd still be here."

"Don't do that," he said annoyed, his whole face frowning. It was the first time I saw him this bothered. "Stop doing that."

"Doing what?"

"Blaming yourself." He sniffed, rubbing his nose and looking away trying to hide his face from me, but I still noticed his eyes shining more than before. "I don't know exactly what happened," he spoke at the wall, "I wasn't there and I am no judge, but I know for a fact that it was not your goddamn fault, Valentina. So stop blaming yourself, ya hear me?"