lawrusso

part twenty four (2)

daniel doesnt know what to say. so he just sits there, his mouth slightly open, and watches johnnys face.

"say something danny" the blondes face grows wary  

"i'm sorry" daniel finally says and johnny scoffs, standing and going to the sink to inspect his eye

"of course you are. god"

" what's that supposed to mean?" daniel asks, his tone defensive

"just that you're always apologising. it's starting to get tiring that i cant even have a conversation with you without you apologising atleast once"

"would you rather i be like you and only apologise when i'm drunk?" daniel crosses his arms over his chest

"you know that's not what i mean." johnny turns and leans against the sink

"then what do you mean?"

"i just- why do you always apologise for things that aren't your fault?" johnnys hands clench and unclench as he struggles to form his sentence

"fine. then i'm not sorry. whatever" daniel sighs

"you're so frustrating, you know that?"

this time it's daniels turn to struggle to say anything "i'm frustrating? me?"

"yes you" johnny frowns

"johnny you won't even fucking admit that you're being abused or that you don't even like women"

daniels glad laura decided to soundproof all the walls in the house when they built the house, as his voice has raised atleast a few octaves.

obviously she thought johnny would be making a lot more noise as a teenager, with girls probably, as he did.

"you don't get to say that shit to me." johnny shakes his head, has hands trembling now

"don't i? because i'm the one who has to deal with it all the time. so why shouldn't i be able to say it?"

"i never asked you to do that"

"you don't have to ask. i say that shit because you won't and someone has too" daniel stands up, unsure of what to do with his arms

"fine. you want me to say something? i'll say something." johnny rubs his face "i have been in love with you since i was 17 and i never stopped being in love with you. ever. and i've done nothing to prove otherwise, i have practically thrown myself at you and you've acted like i have head lice. i don't know what more you want me to do?"

daniel scoffs "if you're so in love with me. why did you break up with me?"

johnny goes quiet for a moment and looks down at his feet "i kissed a girl"

"what?" daniel thinks he might've stopped breathing. that doesn't sound like the johnny he knows.

"i was at this party and i was really drunk and this girl kissed me but i pushed her away and said i had a girlfriend" johnny glances up for a second before looking back down at his feet "and then i didn't know how to tell you"

"oh for fucks sake. you can't be serious?"

"why would i lie about that?" johnny looks momentarily confused.

"so you're telling me that it took you 6 years to tell me you kissed a girl, while you were black out drunk at a party, and that's why we broke up. that's why we haven't spoken in years?"

"yes?"

"christ johnny, i don't know if it's the f@ggot in you that attracts these awful girls or if you just enjoy it." daniel shakes his head, the words tumbling out of his mouth before he can stop them.

johnny stands frozen for a beat before he bites his lip, clearly to hold back on saying something just as awful in return.

daniel silently wishes he had that much self control.

"you know what, i may have shitty taste in girls, but apparently my taste in boys is just as fucked" johnny looks at the brunette one more time before walking off

daniel doesn't know what to do with himself. what had he just done?

johnny had admitted to being in love with him and he'd done what? called him a f@g and some other terrible things. what the fuck.

he sits down on the edge of the bathtub, puts his head in his hands, and finally lets 6 years of tears come out.

there's no coming back from this. ever.