They've all been gone at least 1/2 hour, barbs promising that they'll catch up over lunch sometime, and yet Daniel still hasn't moved from the kitchen counter. He's sitting there in just his slacks and he knows it's cold but he can't feel it, not really anyways.
His upper body is covered in goosebumps but he ignores it, focusing on the pain the wind brings when it bites at his back. Focusing on it specifically stops him from spiraling, which is the last thing anyone needs right now.
He's still mulling over his conversation with Johnny earlier. Friends. Just friends. Daniel doesn't know if he can handle just friends.
And then there's his Ma, he doesn't know what to do. Laura will probably be moving into this place soon enough, which he is definitely not against- that's not the problem, he's worried that he's abandoning her by leaving the house.
Except he's not really leaving it. He'll come back every week to visit Laura and he could never truly abandon his Ma anyways. He, as many people had told him today, would always have her in his heart.
She didn't need to be there physically to comfort Daniel. To make him feel better.
He was almost glad she passed, it meant she wasn't in pain anymore and wasn't burdened with the right of keeping a secret from her only child. Daniel can't imagine how much of a toll that would have taken.
Then he starts feeling guilty because maybe if she had told him then she wouldn't have felt so pressured and she would've been stronger and maybe she would've surv-
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Daniel's head feels heavy and the room is definitely spinning as he leans forward to rest his forehead against the cool plastic of the counter top. It makes him feel a little better. And also reminds him he should probably shower.
He gets up from his chair slowly, it feels like he has to snap every bone in his body back into place before he can even stand. It's excruciating work. It's all so much easier to stay still and not think. To let the world tumble on outside and just watch the seconds tuck by inside. But he has to move.
He can hear his feet pounding against the floor in his brain as he makes his way to the bathroom. It hurts. Everything hurts. He turns his shower onto cold and strips before climbing in, biting his lip to stop from gasping as the ice water travels down his body.
He stands there, chest heaving, as his body gets used to the temperature. The vice around his spine loosens and he sags against the shower wall. His thoughts 10x clearer than they ever had been.
And there's only one person on his mind. He's already sorted everything with his Ma and he knows that he can either wallow away in his own grief and self pity or remember her as the greatest mother ever known and celebrate her life, so it's Johnny who is in his head.
His crystal blue eyes and stark blonde hair haunt every crevice of Daniel's mind. He's alive with longing and desire and it's terrible. It makes him want to throw up remembering how they left it.
Just friends. And Johnny was fine with it. He didn't act like he wanted more. He seemed at peace with it. Daniel can't fathom what it would be like to not be in love with Johnny. Let alone only want him as a friend.
Daniel bangs his forehead against the wall trying to drown out his own thoughts. They seem to only split his mind in half, one part longing for Johnny in a way that physically hurts and the other part telling him to remember why everything turned out the way it did.
After 20 minutes in the shower Daniel finally collapses onto his bed and sighs. He thought that maybe he could come up with something, anything, in the shower but he's still just as, if not more, lost.
Does he go find Johnny, confess everything and then hope they kiss and make up? Or does he let them be just friends? Let fate take its course. If they're meant to be they're meant to be.
Then suddenly Daniel gets this odd feeling of calm. He doesn't care if Johnny doesn't feel the same (he definitely cares, this could potentially turn out to be something completely mortifying) he needs to tell him. It's Johnnys right to know.
And, this is mostly what's pushing him to do it, Daniel's like 90% sure Johnny likes him back. If his poorly disguised flirting is any indication.
"Fuck" he mutters once, thinking about how he's totally screwed everything in his life up. He seriously needs to get his shit together and this is a great place to start.
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He didn't think that choosing what to wear to go see Johnny might be such a massive deal. He feels like his head is definitely spinning, or is the room spinning? Maybe he should do this another day? No. No he can't.
In the end he just decides on a pair of jeans and a red hoodie that he can't remember buying but has had for years. It smells like fire. And seems so familiar but Daniel just can't put a finger on it.
He climbs into his car slowly and takes a deep breath before starting the car.
His hair is still wet and he focuses on that instead of the thought of Johnnys face when Daniel tells him. Will he be Disgusted, Annoyed, Laughing at him?
Daniel can't imagine he would do something mean necessarily he's just worried.
When he finally pulls up to the hotel he realises he doesn't actually know where Johnny lives. He just knows he owns the hotel. But maybe he's inside?
Larry greets him with a familiar grin as he steps through the front doors.
"Daniel? Good to see you, man! Feel like it's been forever" he pulls Daniel into a hug that catches Daniel off guard "you looking for Johnny?"
Daniel nods, glancing over to Emily who hasn't noticed he's here yet. For a fleeting moment he wonders how Larry and Emily are doing. They seem happy.
"Unfortunately he's not in today. Can I take a message?" Larry frowns and then follows Daniel's eyes to Emily and smiles "Things have been going really great between us."
"I'm happy to hear that" Daniel smiles and he really means it "but do you think you could give me Johnnys address? I just have something really important to tell him"
"No of course! I normally wouldn't do this but I don't think Johnny will fire me for giving you of all people his address" Larry writes something on a piece of paper and Daniel frowns, what does he mean by 'you of all people'?
"I hope we'll see each other again soon! Come over for dinner maybe?" Larry seems hopeful and Daniel doesn't want to crush that so he just smiles and says "yeah that sounds great, Larry. Just text me a time and date, maybe we can even get Johnny to come"
Larry laughs and Daniel can still hear the sound as he walks out the door.
He glances down at the address and takes a deep breath. It's now or never.
YOU ARE READING
lawrusso
RomanceDaniel's just trying to fit in at his new school, he never asked for johnny and his friends to beat him up every other day, he never asked for any of it. the multiple detentions, which have him spending up to 2 hours alone with johnny, are definitel...
