In Between Seasons

CHAPTER 4: Distant

Sasha stopped replying to his messages and did her best to cross the other way every time she saw him coming. He realized the distance that Sasha was trying to give him when he kept asking Sasha's friends about her problem.

"You're giving more emphasis, Sasha. And I feel bad for Tyler. He was left eager about your sudden changes and he didn't know what to do," Jenna said.

"You kept ignoring him, which gave us more sense that you liked him. I mean, can you just start trusting your heart and forget about the scars that it has?" Hailey suggested.

"You don't understand because you grew up into a complete family. So you simply don't get the reason why I am terrified to risk it. Tyler has always been too good for me. I am afraid that maybe one day, my fright will overpower me again and I will give Tyler such heartache that he doesn't deserve. I am afraid to give it a try only to watch myself loving someone with restrictions. It was truly difficult to let go of the friendship that I had with him. I saw myself enjoying every second that I had with him. He made me laugh, which made the dark clouds inside my head vanish. He sent me too many highs and lows and gave me stories that I could learn more about. But I don't deserve him. I am just a sad, selfish woman who kept reading the words that were not written in the line."

Jenna and Hailey left Sasha's home after dinner. Sasha received an email from Tyler. From the moment she saw his name, she knew she needed time alone to compensate for her actions. She started reading in a hopeful whisper.

Hi, Sasha.

This is Tyler. It's been two months since you started ignoring me. It was all of a sudden, and maybe that's why I was left on par, grasping for answers that only you could give. I don't understand the thoughts that you have that convinced you to evade me and leave our friendship on a hanging thread. Sometimes, I see myself staring blankly at walls because I don't understand where I went wrong. I wasn't sure if I had the words that hurt you or if you had learned something that made you realize I was not worthy to be a friend.

I am hurt that the person who gave me a nice season to enjoy school suddenly stopped wanting me to be there in her life. I am hurt, maybe because I never saw this friendship ending. And maybe I am more hurt because I look up to you the same way I look up to the moon. You're standing out, Sasha, and I know you have your insecurities, but please, I put those stars to shame for they will never be you.

I know this is not the perfect time to spill this, but I am afraid that maybe I will no longer get the chance and you will just simply lock me out of your life. I am afraid that I am no longer this someone. You will see yourself opening your doors again and wanting to take the friendship that I am trying to give.

I wanted to be honest, but I don't want to write it down here and not see your face while slowly soaking in the confession that I will make. Please give me a chance to tell you straight to your face and I promise that I'll accept whatever decision that you make.

Hoping,

Tyler

Sasha stopped reading the email. She closed her laptop and threw herself back against the chair. Her heart was pounding so fast and loud that she could almost hear the thud inside her chest. She was broken at the thought of how she had broken someone with her coldness and absence. She was broken for not being there to tell him things would be all right the same way he did to her. Sasha was broken for being the reason why he was breaking and how he mended her on days when her heart was shattered.

Sasha sat there for the longest time, confused. She was afraid to follow her heart because it was contradictory to what her brain wanted her to do. Her mindset was fixed and always aimed to protect her heart from the cruelty of the world, but her heart wanted to be free and wanted her to trust the beating that it has for someone who has shown nothing but goodness.