In Between Seasons

CHAPTER 8: He Came Back

Sasha went home after her work. It was almost dark and it was her 30th birthday.

"SURPRISE!!!!!!!!!!! Happy Birthday, Sasha!" It was the loud greeting she never expected for she herself had forgotten it was her birthday.

"Thank you! I almost forgot it's my birthday."

"We made all your favorite dishes and we only invited a few people because we know you hate the grand," her mom said while taking her shoulder bag off her and accommodated her like she's the visitor in their own house.

"Happy Birthday! You're not supposed to be working right now," her two best friends said as they came closer to give her a hug.

"I love you so much, Sasha," Jenna said.

"I love you too. Both of you."

Her mom, with tension in her face, still managed to compose herself and hold Sasha's hand. "The highlight of the night is waiting."

The three of them exchanged looks, and that left Sasha jumbled.

"Someone's waiting for you in the kitchen. He wants to talk to you," said Hailey.

"Is Tyler around?" She was hopeful.

She immediately went to the kitchen.

"Tyler? Are you here?"

"Sasha, come inside." An unfamiliar but deep voice came from somewhere closer.

"Happy birthday, my sweet princess. It's been so long."

Sasha was staggered and silent. Her feet seemed to be frozen the moment she saw the man she never knew she still longed for.

"I know I made the biggest mistake by leaving you and your mom," her dad said. He seemed older and that Sasha didn't know if she should give him an embrace or just run away. "I know everything was corrupted in your mind. You were hurt by insignificant things, and you despised anyone who reminded you of how I hurt you. Darling, there was never a night that I wished I could talk to you. There was never a night that I wished I was still welcome to visit you and guide you when you're growing. I regretted the days I was not there with you when you needed me."

There was a prolonged silence. Still in shock, Sasha tried her best not to meet her father's eyes.

"You're too late, Dad. The damage has been done and I didn't know how to start again. I know I never should've stuck myself in the past where you left me and Mom alone. I know, I have my fate and I have my choices in life. But you are my father. From you, I learned what love is right. From the way you showed it to Mom, I learned to love you by how you showered her with kisses every time you came home and how you always brought me gifts to compensate for the time you missed because you were at work—overworking. But you also showed me all the worst faces of pain. They all stayed here with me."

"I know and I will take all the blame. I talked to your mom and she told me you were miserable. It was the first time I ever heard her plead for me to come home. She told me that she thought the most heartbreaking thing that had happened to her was when she saw me leave the house and never come back again. Not until the day she saw you breaking into pieces because of the guy who promised you a love that was different from the love that we had with your mom. I flew all the way here because you needed a dad. You needed me, and I am sorry for coming so damn late, sweetie."

Her mom came inside the kitchen. At that point, Sasha looked up. It was the time she knew that she realized it was never her wish to have him back, but rather, it was her mother's desire. She was disgusted, but she tried to remain composed.

"Sasha, my honey. When your dad left me, I thought it was the end of the world. I thought the world was draining me from looking forward to hope and new mornings. I thought it was the end of everything and I am sorry if there were days when I became your problem. I know my anxieties become yours too. And I forgot that I have a daughter who wanted me to be well and happy. Do you know how good I was at pretending to be brave?"

"I just hate the way you refused to let Dad's memories go, but now I understand. I understand because thinking about how happy I was with Tyler before was enough for me to survive. I know he completely eradicated me in the picture, but he still exists in mine. And maybe that's what you feel for that and it takes all over your system that ends up exploding into tears. But Dad, did you love Mom?"

"I do, Sasha."

"But why do you have to leave her?"

"Because things change and the more you force yourself to lie, the more things will get worse. I was hurt by how I hurt your mom, but I would hurt her more if I stayed any longer. I know I was gone for half of your life, and I made a bad stain on your memory, but can you please give me a chance to make it up to you? I might not be the perfect husband for your mom, but I promise I will be a great father."

"I know what you think, Sasha. That'll be back to zero again. I am going to stop being selfish, honey. I wanted him to be a part of your life again, and I'm not about to cross that line. I am going to leave him with you so you will have the affection that you haven't had with a father."

"I know Tyler was there on days when you wanted to forget me. Now, I am here to help you forget him."

"I think I can forgive you, but I don't have the energy to welcome you back. I can say I am grateful for the life you gave me, but I am already okay with not having you. If I survived the tough times you brought into our lives, I know I can survive anything. But this time, I'll just take this as closure. But I don't want to give you the hope that everything will be okay as if nothing happened. I still remember them and I am still haunted by them. I just want to unload some worries by forgiving you, but I know my heart never forgets. So yes, I forgive you, but I can't let you live with us again. Things will never be the same again."

Sasha allowed her father to hug her tightly. It was so genuine that her tears started falling. It was the biggest plot twist she had, to actually realize that forgiveness could just take a lot of weight off of your chest, but at the same time, you maintain the courage to never allow the same people who hurt you to hurt you twice.

They spent the night together, and after, her dad bade farewell to her. It was something lighter and that her mom was more at peace knowing that time truly heals all wounds. She respected Sasha's decisions and that alone made her realize that there were some people that didn't deserve to return to the same place they abandoned just to be with someone else.

Ever since Sasha was a kid, she's started hating the idea of love. Maybe because she woke up with the sad thought of how her father left her mom for no apparent acceptable reason. She always thought that love had been so scary because one day, they're head over heels in love with you, and the next time, they start evading you. She's scared about how someone will invite her into their small spaces and she will fall into their trap and make them her world. She went and experienced all of that, despite how careful she was. Sometimes, love is not for everyone, and with that, she learned to be okay with it. She started hating her father. She stopped bothering Tyler. She's just realized she can't waste another year mourning for a love that was never meant to last.

Tyler married the woman who took Sasha's place. Hailey and Jenna were having a happy family life. Sasha was still repairing, but she was more open to accepting the reasons why Tyler needed to save himself. Sasha realized that healing should not be forced and should not be compared to other people's versions of heartache. She wanted to take one step at a time, surely taking it forwardly with no leaning back.

She learned that pain will remain if you let it, and so she set her free, as well as herself. Life is not just about waiting for people to change your wrong perceptions in life. Love is about people who will stay with you the same way your mother did, the same way your father tries to make up for lost time, or sometimes, they come in the form of laughter from the rarest of friends who will take your pains as their own. And Sasha promised not to close her heart to loving someone. She knows her time will come. She knows nothing comes too late. But for now, she's learning to love herself without blaming. Without fear, without doubt.

She's building herself so she won't be collapsible just when love and life try to beat her. She still has pain. She's still learning to shove one memory after the other. But she's a lot better now. She tries. She's compensating. She's healing.