Looking like you

861 21 28
                                    

Age: 19
Word count: 1053
Warnings: Dark thoughts
Summary: Alena is desperately trying to cope with the loss of her mother. Turns out, this is rather difficult when every time she looks into a mirror, she sees a version of her mom in herself.

Alena took a deep breath, inhaling the steamy air from her hot shower. This was the first time since her mother's death that she got out of bed and had the strength to shower.

Life was hard without Natasha.

There was no one who listened to all her problems and had the perfect solution.

No one who could read her like a book by only glancing at her once.

Nobody who'd hug her tight whenever life got too overwhelming.

No one to talk to about everything and nothing, nobody to feel safe with.

Alenas heart clenched at the mere thought of having to live without her mom for the rest of her life. How could she?

Natasha Romanoff was the only one who got Alena completely, the only one who always knew how she felt, no matter how hard she tried hiding it.

With a sharp inhale, the 19 year old redhead got out of the shower, wrapping herself in a towel.

And then, her eyes met the ones of her reflection in the steamed up mirror.

With the blurry steam covering the mirror, it was almost like Natasha stared right back at her.

Alena wiped it, revealing her baby blue eyes instead of what she hoped to be emerald ones.

The 19 year old slammed her hands down on the sink, her expression pained.

She stared at herself in the mirror.

In that very moment she felt nothing but hatred for the 19 year old, redheaded, blue eyed girl in the mirror.

Alenas lips curled into a frown, her lips pressed shut tightly. With a scream of frustration, she punched the mirror, shattering it into a thousand pieces.

Sobbing, she sunk to the floor, cradling her now bleeding hand. She couldn't believe how helpless she felt.

A heartbreaking cry left her lips, before the young redhead curled into a ball, hugging her knees, still only wrapped in a towel.

If she was honest, all Alena wanted to do was die. She lost the one person she loved more than anyone else. What purpose did she have.

The more she thought about it, the more comforting got the idea of just ... leaving.

Alena got quiet, eyeing one of the glass shards, contemplating if she really was gonna do what she had the urge to do.

She'd been there before, was she really gonna go back? What would Natasha think of her?

It didn't matter. Natasha wasn't here anymore. No one was here to stop her ... or so she thought.

,,Alena?"

Someone's voice rang throught the apartment, ripping Alena out of the downward spiral she threatened to fall into just seconds ago.

,,I'm showering, Dad"

She yelled back, hoping to be left alone.

But, instead of just her fathers voice, she could make out another one. The voice was female and held a thick Russian accent. Yelena.

,,Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, nope, not today"

Alena scrambled to get up, stepping into a shard of glass as she did. She let out a string of Russian cusswords, limping on one leg now.

With clenched teeth, she managed to pull on a shirt and shorts, just before her aunt knocked on her door.

,,Алейна, открой дверь, пока я ее не выбил. (Alena open the door before i kick it down)"

The blonde threatened, knowing exactly what her niece was probably doing. Why? Because she's Yelena Belova, she had a feeling.

Her redheaded niece let herself fall onto her bed, unfortunately for her bouncing right of, landing her on the floor in front of it. Alena writhed in pain, partly because of the hard contact with the floor and partly because her still bleeding foot.

,,Алейна, я серьезно, открой дверь (Alena I'm serious, open the door)"

Yelena sighed, trying the door just to find it unlocked.

And If you know Yelena, you'd know she didn't even hesitate once before opening the door.

When she saw her bleeding niece on the floor, hugging her knees and looking like a kicked puppy, even she was taken aback.

Alena looked up, her eyes wide.

,,It's not what it looks like, i promise"

She swore while pulling out shards of glass from her foot. It hurt like hell, but leaving them in wasn't an option.

Yelena immediately knelt down next to the 19 year old redhead, who resembled her sister so much.

,,Why's there glass? What have you been doing?"

The blonde asked, grabbing the redheads wrists to restrain her from pulling any more shards.

Alena met her aunt's eyes, her own flickering like they always did when she was feeling big emotions.

,,I punched the mirror"

She admitted guiltily, her confession only a mumble. Yelenas eyes widened in realisation.

,,It's because you keep seeing her in it, isn't it?"

The blonde inquired, already knowing the answer. Even she had to admit how bad it hurt simply seeing her niece's resemblance to Natasha.

Alena only managed to nod. Her throat felt like it had been sewn shut.

Seconds later, the 19 year old could feel her aunt's arms around her, hugging her comfortingly. It was then that the remainder of her facade crumbled and she cried into her shoulder.

,,Тсс, все в порядке, солнце. Я знаю" (Shh, its OK, sun. I know)

Yelena whispered over and over again, stroking her niece's long, auburn waves.

After all, seeing the person you so desperately miss every time you look into a mirror can hurt. Damn well it will hurt.

But deep down, Yelena knew that Alena would learn to love it.

She'd learn to be proud of it.

She'd learn to appreciate it.

Only not today and not in the near future. The grief was simply too much as of now.

A/N: I like giving myself emotional damage :,).
Regardless, I really hope you liked this one, although it was sad. I found it to be a very realistic struggle to deal with, especially when the person you lost looks almost exactly like you.
Anyways, have a great day/night, beautiful people. See you around and stay amazing <33

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