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𝑫𝒂𝒚 ９:𝑨𝒇𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒎𝒂𝒕𝒉 𝒐𝒇 F𝒂𝒊𝒍𝒖𝒓𝒆

Day 9:Aftermath of Failure

Everyday at school felt the same for me now. I wake up, eat breakfast (sometimes), get on the bus, and zone out until I’m back on the bus going home. It wasn’t always like this. I never liked school, sure but I didn’t loathe the repetition in my days. Because repetition wasn’t an issue then. But now Dally was gone and so was Johnny. I was a good kid in school for the most part. I kept my nose out of people's business and did the work. But now that felt like a long shot for me. My head slumped down like I was a teen girl with a severity of scoliosis. It’s better this way. 

I stumbled to my desk, slouching in the cold hard plastic of the public school seating. I needed a smoke badly. My eyes drooped, the sunken eyelids of mine seeping into my eye sockets. It left long purple marks along. Indents into my skin which mirrored the insomnia I had been experiencing before. My hands cusped my cheeks, my elbows supporting my head from the desk. I needed to sleep. But the nights I had tried before always ended the same. Seeing Dally’s anguished look as he fell to the cool of the concrete. I felt my body shudder.

A response that would have suited well with what happened next. The paper slipped down onto my desk with ease. I picked it up, hearing my teachers' muffled words go in one ear and out the other. A D-, which could’ve been worse but not by much. I had no reason to attempt my work. Why should I when I knew that all of this was a temporary feat? 

But I knew Darry didn’t agree with that sentiment which is what scared me most. 

It was strange going back home that day. The balled up failure in my hand that I was hesitant to give to Darry but I always had to give him my graded work for whatever reason. I gulped, the steps of the porch couldn’t have been any louder. I didn’t understand why I should have been focusing on school when all I could think about was the two idiots who had left me. How was it fair that I had to be alone now? I was the one who barely did any good yet I was standing here alive. But it didn’t matter. Grades were a superficial way of importance. One that I had so much of before my world turned upside down. Darry cared. I didn’t know why he had at the time.

I sauntered in, avoiding eye contact with my now oiled brother. He had been sweating like a hog all day roofing. He shot me an incredulous gaze before stepping up to me.

“What’s in your hand?”
He had asked, his fists scrunched together as he crossed his arms. I looked down at the rug hesitantly before taking out the paper and giving it to him. It had still been crumpled up so Darry had to take a moment to straighten it out. When he had he let out quite the audible gasp. His eyes widened before quickly sharpening again. The cold stare of his icy blue eyes burning a hole through me.
“The hells the matter with you?! You can do so much better than this!”
Darry yelled, I just scoffed and gave a small shrug of my shoulders. 

“I dunno’ I’ve been distracted.”
I kept my eyes on my feet planted on the floor. I hated when he yelled. I just wanted him to be quiet. I wasn’t trying my best but why should it have mattered? I didn’t want to admit that it had mattered a great deal. I was letting myself go with the excuse of mourning. Grieving will always be a difficult process. But it gets to a point in which to stop taking care of yourself is like spitting on those who you’re morning over. 

“You don’t know!? Clearly you know enough to give up! You can’t just waste your opportunities like this Pony!”
Darry bellowed through gritted teeth. He grabbed onto my shoulders and bobbed his head. As if I wasn’t understanding or listening. Which in all fairness I wasn’t doing either of those things. I let out a sigh, finally looking up at him dull eyed.

“Why the hell should I care!? None of this matters! I hate this house, I hate school, I have everyone here! I just want..”
I hollered, my voice cracking in misery. Darry looked at me, his eyes hollow in an expression I couldn’t decipher.

“That doesn’t mean you can quit tryin’! I mean Christ Pony!”

Darry screamed, his arms flailing in anger. But I couldn’t say anything anymore. I was crying. Tears strung themselves down my face. They were hot, heating up my cheeks and causing my face and eyes to go red. I hated it. I wasn’t supposed to be crying around him. I tried hard to suck it up which only led to snot filled sobs. My bottom lip quivered rapidly, twitching. 

“Hey hey. Pone’ I didn’t mean to-”
“Shut up! Just shut up!”
I yelled, seeing red. I felt my elbows snap back as my face contorted to an expression of anguish. The muffled sobs that I tried to contain showed themselves, leading to gasps for air between my desperate cries. 

“Why did they leave Darry!? Why are they gone!? It hurts so bad…”

I trailed off, my mucus wetting my face as I cried. Darry didn’t say anything before pulling my face into his chest.

“I’m sorry.”

“I know.”
“I didn’t mean to.”
Were what Darry kept uttering as they embraced. Darry grasped the back of my hair, tousling it affectionately. I calmed down a bit, my sobs ceasing slightly as my chest kept rising rapidly.

“I didn’t mean to cry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’ll do better!”
I stuttered, my words slurred slightly from the dryness of my mouth.

“Cry all you want, Pony. Cause I’ll always be here.”
I don’t think we’ve spoken of that day since. 

Word Count:1023