50 Shades of Ashton Irwin

Chapter 40 // Is it really a 'goodnight?'

*Kodies PoV*

By time Calum's lips were on mine, they were straight back off again. Not saying I wanted them there or not it just came as a total surprise and shock that my best friend had just kissed me, in front of everyone, especially the boy, his best friend that claims to love me.

Knowing Calum he probably had a reason as to why he did what he did but I just hope that he doesn't hold any feelings for me because I know I won't be able to return them in anyway shape or form in the way he may need and want them. Its all just one big mess really.

Standing there in shock, after Calum pulls away, I'm left with my hand touching my lips, which are slightly parted, eyes staring at Calum as he stands there with rosy cheeks, looking serious. I look over his shoulder to see Ashton.

His face was blank. Plain even. No emotion. Didn't he just see what happened? Isn't he going to be pissed with Calum and I? What's wrong with him? Doesn't he love me like he says he does? Because his reaction is saying exactly that! All these questions were beginning to run through my head.

Just as I about to open my mouth to say something, Ashton shakes his head and storms past me, trying his best not to look at us. For some reason I felt like I had to explain myself, but I had no clue Calum was going to do that! If anything he has got to do the explaining. When he walked past me, I managed to look up with my tearful eyes and watch his face, as he becomes just another stranger in the crowd, and see the first emotion since the kiss.

Disgust.

He was disgusted by me and that just made me feel horrible. I was so confused I look up to see everyone staring at me, copying my reaction of shock. I purposely look at Courtney and Lauren. I don't even have to say anything they know what I'm asking, and I know their answer by them blinking and nodding their heads.

I go after him.

I go after him, just like how he came after me, when the 'Brandi' situation was about, which was only about a week ago now.

I manage to push my way though the crowds of people, taking me to the front of the club. I run into the street and see Ashton standing there, waiting for a cab most likely to take him home. I don't know what came over me but I managed to run over to him, feet hurting me, but I did it. I don't run so he better feel special, seeing as I'm doing it for him.

"Ashton! Please where you going?"

"Ashton!"

"Oh my God! Why don't you just answer me?" I beg, raising my voice.

"Just..." he begins in a whisper, then stops.

"Just...? Just what?" I begin to get impatient now.

"Just stop! Okay? Just leave it Kodie." He shouts, yet continues on in a soft voice. "Go back in there have a nice night with your friends, make memories, good ones, and just let me go clear my head. Yeah?"

"Leave it? You just ran off and are waiting to take you somewhere, which I would like to think is home but probably isn't and you want me to 'leave it'? Clear your head? What the fuck does that even mean Ashton your talking nonsense! What do you mean 'your' friends! They are our friends. It's because of you that we are. Can't we just talk about things? About what just happened? because-"

"NO KODIE! Don't you see ?! I'm not good for you! Just like Calum said and what the others are all thinking and saying with their eyes you deserve better and I'm not that. All I do is hurt you like tonight do you want to know the reason Calum was more pissed than everyone else or than usual? Huh?"

"It's because you left me." I say unsurely.

"No your wrong. When I walked off with that girl we started talking, she got flirty and handsy with me but I didn't stop her. And of course Calum guy fucking Hood saw us an-"

"But did you flirt and touch back?" tears now threatening to spill down my face.

He stays silent. This does it. I gasp, feeling as if someone has just hit me in the chest, almost as if I'm gasping for air. I can't stop the tears now. Everything is just going wrong. We were meant to be going out to celebrate Ashton and I on how we are good and moving forward, however like usual it's one step forward 3 steps back.

I gather myself from my upsetting state. I wipe my tears from under my eyes and cheek. I don't want a repeat of last time so I decide I'm going to be the bigger person and give a reasonable answer.

"How about we talk about it all tomorrow, seeing as we aren't in the best of states right now, but I'll see you at home later." I struggle to say. I nod and force a smile before turning my back and begin to make my way back to our friends, but it seems like he wants to make this harder for me even though he can see it's breaking me.

"I'm not going home tonight." he pauses "I'm gonna go back to my mums and see Harry and Lauren, to you know clear my head" ... "but I'll pick you up at 3 tomorrow so we can discuss what's happening between us if you want?."

I look over my shoulder to see him so I can answer. "Yeah 3 will be good."

"Goodnight Kodie."

"Goodnight Ashton." but all I could really think was 'Is it really a 'goodnight?'