Letters to the Love of My Life

Untitled

B,

my love you have hypothermia so i will light myself on fire to give you warmth
if you're drowning push my head underwater, you're out of air i'll find you more
you feel lonely i'll surround you with all of the people i know
i'll be the net to catch you if you fall off the tightrope

with every request i make a new dissection
the words you don't say the silence i try to fill leaves me burning with questions
i will change my hair my clothes my words i will scrub this skin raw
i will piece somebody new together until one day i'm your perfect jigsaw

i will change everything i am to be who i need to
but i'm scared the mangled mess could never please you
so as the pieces sewn into my skin become loose and fall away
and you get a glimpse of the part of me that's terrified you won't stay

i hope you realize what she was trying to do
piecing together someone else because she was scared to disappoint you
i hope that you stick around long enough to finally see
that beyond the mangled pieces was the real me

and maybe it isn't enough or maybe it's too much or it's just wrong
i'm plagued by this blinding iridescent brain fog
i'm so terrified of you not being able to hear me, but i'm scared more when you're listening
i don't know how to believe that someone could actually be caring

i don't know who i am, i haven't in ages
i built my protective surface off of the characters on my books pages
protecting the vulnerability and love i carry in my heart
i'm sorry you didn't get to see it before it got torn apart

i hope you know i wouldn't tell anyone this normally
then again, that's because i've never met someone this extraordinary
you carry a light even when you can't seem to see it
i love you and i hope one day you'll believe it.
-A