Letters to the Love of My Life

Every Word

every time i think of what i want to say to you right now i say it to him instead
every video i want to send you i send to him instead
every hug i want to give you i give him instead
every vulnerable moment i want to have with you i have with him instead

everything i want to give you, my whole universe i give to him
and he loves me so why don't you
every risk i want to take with you out on a whim
he experiences every moment you were meant to

every kiss i think of giving you i plant on his lips
he means well, he's sweet and good to me
but when we hug i can only find your handprints on my hips
when i look into his eyes i imagine it's yours i see

say it was the right person wrong time
i kick myself for the blue text on my screen lying that i don't love you
when your gray said "i just want you to be mine"
the thing is i'm so scared it wasn't true

you picked up my heartstrings and played a melody that no one else knows
my heart is a satellite sending out love to him
but instead to you every wave flows
in this game we play on repeat i'm not sure we can win

when you hear the things i say to him know im spinning a story for you
even though i know you'd look at me like im absurd
every thought, action, video, word is for you
and though im not saying it to the right person, i mean every goddamn word

to: b

Love, a