The Price Of Love

Chapter 48

Jay's POV

I stare up at the ceiling, ignoring the sound of screaming cries coming from around me.

Closing my eyes, I take a breath, trying to find the energy to get up. To do something. To do anything.

I can't feel anything.

It's strange.

Nothing feels real anymore. I feel as though part of me never left the hospital that day. And I've been walking around empty ever since.

I look around the living room, feeling my eyes threaten to sting again. I don't try stopping them anymore. I gave up after the first week. By now I've grown used to my eyes randomly shedding tears at random times.

The house is dark. It feels empty, lonely- lifeless.

Talia was always with me. I only spent two weeks here alone before she showed up. Now-

I don't know how I'm supposed to carry on.

I'm good at ignoring the problems. Good at powering through and pretending everything is fine when it's not. But I can't do that now. Not even if I tried.

My whole fucking world fell apart two weeks ago. And I'm not going to pretend like it hasn't.

Sighing, I force myself to stand up off the couch and walk to the girl's nursery. 

I stop, glancing at my locked bedroom door. I haven't been in there since.

I fucking can't go in there. Because she took over that space years ago. Everything from the bedclothes to the smell to the fucking ugly lampshade, it's all her. And walking into that room would be like twisting the knife.

I glance away from the door.

My new bed is the couch.

Opening the girl's nursery, which was once Talia's old room, I walk over to the two matching cribs, seeing my little daughters screaming and crying.

Guilt immediately hits me at the fact I left them for a few minutes. I reach down, picking up little Alora first. Kissing her head, I rock from side to side gently before leaning back down and scooping up Becca into my other arm.

I rock them from side to side, holding them close to me as I try to figure out what time it is and what they need.

"I'm sorry.." I whisper, screwing my eyes shut at the sound of their screams right in my ear. "Fuck- I'm so sorry girls" I mumble, hating how I'm already becoming a shitty father and it hasn't even been a month yet.

The next half an hour is spent getting them fed and changed, and before I know it I'm sitting back down on the couch, only now with both of them asleep in either arm.

I'm still figuring out the whole twin thing. How to feed them at the same time- how to pick one up safely with the other in my arm- how to keep Alora asleep when Becca starts crying.

It's difficult as fuck.

And it hurts knowing how much easier it would be if a certain person was still here.

Everything I fucking do reminds me of her.

And.It.Hurts.

I thought I knew what hell was like- but fuck- it's the like the world did this just to show me I had no fucking clue.

Because giving me someone who cared so deeply for me, who could make me smile by simply just being there- giving me someone who was so fucking easy to love, and then ripping them away- that has to be a personal fuck you.