Short poems, stories, vents, and my life advice

Harm

Self harm is bad
That's what I'm told every day
If you take a blade to your skin
You become less than human
But the scars are my proof
That I'm real

You must use invisible knives
If you can't see it
It isn't real
Out of sight
Out of mind

But my parents don't listen
I self harm every day
I self harm when I breathe tainted air
I self harm when I drink illegal poison
I self when I forget to eat
And I really do forget

I self harm when I don't sleep
When I choose to or not
I self harm when I speak my truth
I punish myself for crimes I've endured
I can never get it right
I don't remember anything much
That's what the adults say

I self harm when I hover my hand
Over the flame too long
I want to set myself on fire
I self harm when I inhale joy
I self harm when I don't exhale
I self harm when I swallow the joy instead
Or take it in my arm

I self harm when I call my sisters my kid
Because I want them to
have a mom
But they have a mom
I just don't

I self harm when I insist
I'm a girl
I self harm when I call myself Heather
I self harm when I allow others to do so
I love my friends
I self harm when I keep secrets
I think they can't handle

I self harm when i refuse
To listen to reality
I self harm when I visit that room
That head, that wall, that life
I self harm when I promise Im there
And I haven't seen the sun in years

I want to suffocate myself
I want all my blood gone
I want to see my bones dissolve
I want to kiss her goodbye
I want to finish that sentence
I want to stay awake for weeks
I want to starve to death
I want my veins to break free from my wrist
But I can't
Because that's self harm

Writing this poem is self harm
I just got back from rehab
And residential
I've been medicated since 7
And had therapy since 5
So why the hell is it not better
Why do people I love die
Why do people I hate live forever
Rent free in my head

I didn't make it
I died in that house
I was killed by those people
Heather killed herself in the attic
Jack doesn't know what the fuck he's doing
Nobody does
So I guess just keep moving
That's what i do

Don't kill yourself
It's not funny
You look ugly in a noose
Your veins look better whole
Your mother might not love you
But dead bodies are gross
Don't make me cry
If nobody else does I remember you
You're real
If you can read
You can do anything
English sucks

Very word vomit. I just needed to talk lol