Short poems, stories, vents, and my life advice

Bad

Today wasn't a good day.
This week as a whole has been rough.
Everyone refuses to help me.
I think I'm dying, but for real this time.
I feel good.
I haven't slept in 2 days, but I feel good.
My head hurts and I've can't see straight
But I feel good
I haven't eaten since Tuesday or Monday
I don't know what day it is
I feel good

I have nothing but time
But I haven't gotten any homework done
I forgot to charge my laptop
I've been out all day
And only got a few groceries
I got two of 6 things on my list
I don't know why I bothered to make one

I feel empty.
I think I miss people
A lot of my friends are dead
I think my living friends hate me
My ex won't leave me Alone
But I'm scared to push her away
Because she'll kill herself
She really will

I don't want to write anymore
It doesn't make me happy
Nothing makes me happy
I don't want to sound ungrateful
I'm so lucky to be alive
I'm so sorry
I'm sorry I'm not good enough right now
I'll try harder
But please don't hate me

My mother sees me as a disease
She told my sister that the reason
she can't have friends over
Is because of me
Because I have these moods
And I can't control myself
And I'm rude and nasty
And I make her life a living hell
I don't know how to be seen
As normal anymore
I feel like I'm still paying
For the stupidity of a child

I think I'm slipping
I drank a lot yesterday
I don't know if I was hungover this morning
or just tired or something
I relapsed
I know I say it's okay
But it isn't for me
I'm supposed to be better
I've been to rehab twice now
My mother talk about
sending me to boarding school
She says if she doesn't have a break
She'll kill herself

I'm not okay right now. I don't know what I'm doing. I just need someone to tell me it's going to be okay. Please lie to me. I can't take this right now.