Lay Me Down to Sleep

Chapter 10

Tankhun's original plan had been to go straight to Kim once he took his break and decompressed a bit. Hearing that his baby brother cried for their long dead mother after seeing Chay with Namphueng broke his heart. He wanted to go there as soon as Kinn sent the text. But Kinn said he had it under control, and Tankhun decided to respect that. 

And he is glad he did, because it gave him some time to think of how to go about this. While he was doing that, he got a thought into his head that he should check on Porsche, Chay, and Namphueng. Maybe it came from some impulsive nosiness, but he knows how Pa is, how he takes control and makes people doubt themselves and their choices. After the attack, he has been doing it to Tankhun even more than usual, bringing up his mental health and his past despite doing a lot better. And Tankhun has an idea why, with Namphueng being alive after all. 

Namphueng. 

But Tankhun doesn't want to think about any of that. He isn't ready to. He needs to focus on the present - not the past - or he actually will go insane.

If he's not already. 

He needs to stop thinking that way. Having trauma and bad mental health days doesn't mean he is crazy. He has been more convinced recently that doubting his sanity is just Pa's comments getting to him. Tankhun is starting to feel more sure of that now. In fact, he feels like he knows it's true when he sees Pa trying to convince an increasingly distressed Namphueng to take her leave and go back to her suite instead of spending time with her sons. He definitely doesn't appreciate Tankhun taking Namphueng's side and trying to reason with him. When Pa implies Tankhun's own sanity could be affecting the way he is perceiving what he's witnessing, it feels extremely familiar.

“Tankhun. I don’t expect you to understand the severity of Namphueng’s issues, considering your own…struggles."

He has been saying things like this more and more, even when Tankhun isn't even saying anything. It's like he wants to make sure everyone remembers that Tankhun is crazy. Until this point, he has second guessed himself when it happened. Sometimes, it makes him feel hurt or sick. But this time, it is bringing him to a resolve. Because Pa isn't just gaslighting him. He is also gaslighting Namphueng and trying to isolate her. 

“Namphueng,” Tankhun says, pointedly dismissing his father as he walks over to her, “I have so many games and fun things to do in my suite. We can make a day of it! I’ll even have Pol run back out and get a swimsuit your size. We can all go swimming after dinner, come back and watch a movie, and have a sleepover. I’ll even give you and Chay my bed. How does that sound?”

 She immediately smiles and nods her head with excitement at the suggestion. It's the first time he has seen that from her. Her reaction tells Tankhun that he is right. Not Pa. 

Tankhun doesn't know if Pa knows he is in the wrong. However, Tankhun can see the man knows he is outnumbered because he lets Tankhun lead her away without another underhanded insult or objection. So Tankhun takes advantage of the opportunity and leads Namphueng, Porsche, and Chay straight to his suite. 

The problem is that he doesn't know what to do once he gets there. He meant it when they said they could play games and watch movies. Activities aren't the problem. It's the thought of leaving to check on Kim. Tankhun is the one who gained the upperhand, not Porsche, Chay, or Namphueng. While Arm and Pol are here, Tankhun isn't going to put them in a situation where they need to stand up to Pa. Arm already did that when they played Shitty Humans together. Doing it again - especially so soon - might be dangerous. Tankhun refuses to put his guards in dangerous situations. He always hated it when Kinn pulled him for missions. He hated it when Kinn pulled Pete too, but at least Pete seemed to enjoy the adrenaline rush. Arm just went about it methodically and seems much happier in the armory building tech gear or guarding Tankhun, unless the mission is very personal. But those are the times Tankhun wants Arm to stay back the most.