Taking Control

Chapter One - Before There Was Me

Before we dive into my life, it's important to discuss where I truly came from. I have always been fascinated by different decades and the aesthetics that went along with each of them. I'm in love with seeing different fashions and interior design from every decade, the way video footage looked, the kinds of music they danced to, the movies they listened to. When I think back to my parents growing up in the 60s and 70s, I think about the way the world looked and felt. I do the same when I think about my 3 older siblings growing up in the 80s, 90s, and the early 2000s before I came along. My maternal grandad John was born in the late 1930s in Mansfield. His dad was very abusive both physically and mentally. I don't know much but I do know that he used to whip my grandad and leave him locked outside in the rain. I think his idea was to toughen him up and I guess it worked, but my grandad was always a much more loving and kinder man than his father ever was. They were quite poor and I think this had a negative effect on the way they were treated. I know some of my grandad's siblings were a little bit crazy, for example I've heard stories of his brother Butch "borrowing" a random horse to take him home. 15 minutes down the road from my grandad and around 5 years after he was born, my maternal grandmother Wendy who I called "mamma" was born in Sutton in Ashfield in the early 1940s, I believe towards the end of World War 2. I know very little about her childhood and I would love to get to know more some day, but it's from my understanding that her family were loving and supportive and were comfortable financially. Her childhood was worlds away from my grandads and they couldn't have had more different upbringings. I'm not entirely sure how they met but I do know that they got married in either the late 1950s or early 1960s on boxing day. My grandmas parents didn't fully approve of my grandad and so they decided to have a baby together, giving their parents no choice but to accept them fully. They decided to start their family in Mansfield where my grandad was born and a short 15 minute drive from where my grandma was born. That's when my aunty Teresa was born, shortly followed by my aunty Barbara, then my mum Lyn who was the middle child, followed by Julie and then Kevin. I've heard so many happy stories from my mums childhood. I know that they weren't very well off when she was growing up and she used to have share a bed with all of her siblings, with one itchy blanket. I've heard stories of my grandma hiding cakes in the washing machine so my mum wouldn't eat them - she always found them though! Both of her parents were loving and supportive and did everything they could for their children. My grandad worked long hours and a coal mine and my grandma was a stay at home mum like most women in the 60s and 70s were. My mum used to get a purse with 6 pennies in every year for her birthday which she looked forward to, I think it could buy a lot more back then than it could today! They used to go on holiday to Skegness every year and I think some of their family actually lived there. It's pretty common knowledge that Mansfield is a rough and tough area and everyone there knows how to put up a fight. I've heard too many stories about my family members playing into this, and even witnessed some of it firsthand! I do feel really connected to my Mansfield side, I am not at all rough and tough, I've never had a physical fight, but I know that I am strong and I think that comes from my Mansfield side. I remember so vividly taking trips every month down to Mansfield in my childhood and eating my grandma's Sunday roast dinners, then going into town with her and my mum and seeing my aunties. Mansfield will always have my heart because to me it is my second home, even though I am born and bred in Lincoln. I feel a very strong connection to that side of me and always will. I can't wait to one day take my children to Mansfield and go shopping in Four Seasons. The memories I have sitting in that Wilkos cafe, probably wearing a Hannah Montana t-shirt. When I went to Mansfield as a kid, I used to pretend I was Miley going back to Tennessee in Hannah Montana: The Movie - it was insane! I remember seeing the shops lined with Hannah Montana merchandise and I long for those days back...but I'm getting a bit off topic here. One of my favourite times was the Warsop Carnival every year (Warsop is the village in Mansfield that my grandparents both lived in and raised their family.) The carnival would happen every July and it was a huge deal. Me, my siblings, my aunties, my uncle, and all of my cousins would all gather at my grandma's house for a huge spread of food that she would put on. Then we would stand outside and watch all of the carnival floats go past her house before heading to the carnival for ourselves. It was so much fun and I have so many amazing memories there, like winning a goldfish and then it killing my other 2 goldfish that I already had - typical Mansfield goldfish! My grandma sadly passed away in 2018 and my grandad passed away in 2021 - I haven't been back to Mansfield ever since.Now I'm going to discuss my paternal grandparents but don't worry - it won't be nearly as long as maternal grandparents because I know a lot less about them. My grandad Eddie was born in the early 1920s - yes, very old! I wish I could tell you more about that but I honestly don't know much about his childhood at all. My granny Daphne was younger than him, I think maybe 10 years younger? It is my understanding that she was born in the 1930s, but again I don't know anything about her childhood. My granny and grandad resided in Harby which is about a 30 minute drive from where I was born in Lincoln, and a 50 minute drive from where my mum was born and raised in Mansfield. My dad Adrian is a few months younger than my mum who was born in November 1964, with him being born in March 1965. My dad was the youngest of his siblings. On his side, my uncles are John, Vernon, and Neil, and I have an aunty called Julie. It's my understanding that John and Julie had a different dad to my dad, from my granny's previous marriage, but he raised them as his own. My dad was a bit of a naughty kid, especially when it came down to school which I think my sister Angel inherited...such a dig, I hope she loves it! My dad grew up more financially comfortable than my mum did. Sadly, his mum - my granny Daphne, died in 2002, the year before I was born. Obviously I never got to meet her but I'm often told about how much she would have loved and spoiled me. It makes me sad that I never got to meet her but I think that in some ways I am her, she lives within me. My grandad died in 2012 when I was 8 years old so I don't have that many memories with him, but I do remember I would visit him regularly and he would always give me money. I remember his fridge always had lemonade and polos in, and his cupboards always head Ready Salted crisps and gingernut biscuits in, which I always referred to as grandad biscuits and still do this day. Him dying was my first real loss and I remember sobbing my heart out for days when I found out. I'm devastated that all of my grandparents are now dead but I'm lucky that, aside from my granny, I got to know them for long enough to remember them. They were always so wonderful with me and I strive every day to make them proud. They were all great parents to my parents and never laid a finger on them, which was unusual for those days. My parents were both married to other people before they met each other. My mum was married to a man who was very absuive to her both mentally and physically. They had 3 kids together, Paul, Cassie, and Richard. I am very close to Cassie and fairly close to Richard, but I barely ever see Paul. They were all born in the 1980s and so there is obviously a huge age difference between us, I think even Richard, the youngest of the 3, was 14 when I was born. My dad was married to a woman named Jeanette and they didn't have any kids together, all I know is that one time when my dad was ill she told him she was going to the shop to get him some medicine and then never returned. My mum got away from her abusive relationship and moved to Lincoln, an hour down the road from Mansfield. She met my dad, I'm pretty sure in a club, and he asked her out and well...the rest is history! My mums kids were still young, Richard was 3, so my dad helped my mum to raise them. I don't think they had much money but they never went hungry. My parents didn't actually get married until 2005 when I was 18 months old, and I think it just made sense to do it then. My dad loved my mums kids, his step children, but he always wanted a kid of his own and my mum wanted to give that to him. She got pregnant in 2002 and sadly had a miscarriage not too long before my granny died. But one day in February 2003, a miracle happened and my mum found out she was pregnant again...