Sarang- Life Of A Kpop Soloist

Breakdown and Fan Song

Sarang sipped on her glass of wine as she breathed in the fresh air of Jeju. She set the glass aside before picking up the vacuum cleaner and started to clean the house.

It has been couple of months since she came down to Jeju to her parents' home as they left to take care of her grandparents. What she didn't know back when she had decided to temporarily move here, was the fact that the upcoming pandemic would have made it impossible for them to move anywhere.

Which means for the past few months everyone's stuck where they were. This was the longest Sarang had gone without being in contact with another human. The first time without being with any of her loved ones.

Although she missed them a lot, but Sarang couldn't deny that she was enjoying the solitude quite a lot.

Ever since her debut, maybe even since her trainee period, Sarang had never really gotten a break from media and people. She was constantly surrounded by cameras and people who loved to invade her privacy at any given chance.

While she was grateful to everyone for showing interest in her and supporting her for her every endeavor, there were times when people crossed the line a bit too much. It was suffocating to say the least. She constantly had to look over her shoulders to make sure there wasn't someone taking photos of her secretly.

She had to smile and be kind to everyone, even if they were being total dickheads cause she was an idol and apparently an idol cannot be anything other than smiley and bubbly, or else they were painted as rude and arrogant bitches.

When she had debuted she was still a teenager. Most of her teen age and then all of her adulthood till now was spent amidst cameras and limelight. With people scrutinizing her every move, ready to criticize her for the lamest and littlest of mistakes.

Which was precisely why she was enjoying this calmness the solitude brought her. At one point she had even thought of permanently moving to a quite island and live her life while farming and enjoying the beach.

But of course none of this was possible. Yes she enjoyed the peace and calm every once in a while, but her heart yearned to be on the stage. To perform and hear the sounds of her fans cheering for her. To be able to listen to thousands of voices singing back the songs she had created as they all experienced the emotions she had poured in while making those songs.

And this is why her current situation had her feeling so hollow from inside. For the past six months Sarang wasn't able to create any new music. This has never happened to her before. She had always been able to create new music whenever she needed.

Music was like second nature to her. It flowed through her veins and had a permanent residence in her heart and soul. She had always felt like all she needed to do was tap the inner energy and she was able to create the songs she wanted.

But now, for some reason the energy seemed to have dimmed. Dim enough that she found it hard to even look for it. Dim enough that she felt scared thinking that maybe she had used all of her potential. Maybe she won't be able to make any more music after this.

"What does that make me then?" Sarang whispered to herself as she looked out of the window.

"What is left of me if there's no music?" Sarang clutched tightly onto the wine glass as she grew more and more desolate.

Sarang had lived her life through music, it was the way she had been able to express her emotions. What will she do now if the one thing that kept her afloat the endless sea was snatched out of her hands.

She will drown into the sea of despair.

"Maybe those people were right. Maybe I truly am nothing special and don't have what it takes to be an idol." A tear rolled down her cheeks as she remembered the harsh words antis and trolls had said to her over the years.