I Fear You (Jonathan Crane, Bruce Wayne, O/C)

Memories & The Past Can Never Truly Be Left Behind

"Take me back to the house in the backyard tree, said you'd beat me up, you were bigger than me. You never did, you never did. Take me back when our world was one block wide. I dared you to kiss me and ran when you tried. Just two kids, you and I..."

~ "Mary's Song" by Taylor Swift 

When we were kids a really a long time ago as far I am concerned, when we believed in whatever our parents and our teachers told us, when we asked why and how, when our minds were open to the world, when we wanted to explore: Bruce was my best friend. As much as I would like to say 'along with Rachel' that would be a lie. I hated her. I mean I still do... She was just some girl who's parents worked for his. I didn't really care at that age, not as much as I did when I was a teenager. The great divide between social class wasn't as big of a issue. Why would it be? No one really understands money when they are only a child.

We were playing. As always Rachel was Bruce's main focus. Which left me to stand to the side or read. I always caved, I always pretended that it didn't bother me that Bruce never gave me any amount of attention. But really it broke my heart, it always broke my heart when Rachel was over. I was left alone because I was so much younger and I clearly couldn't understand what games they were playing. Which wasn't true, I was just as smart as Bruce and much more advanced in my schooling than Rachel.

The one day I remember the clearest from my childhood is the day that they were fighting over an arrow.

I left them alone, sitting down on a log in the middle of the forest. Which my imagination has painted a forest where as my adult mind now clearly sees a well maintained forest still on the Wayne Manner grounds. Childhood had a way of distorting my thoughts, now I'm starting to see the past in crystal clear vision... That makes everything less magical.

They payed me no attention which I was used to nor did they play close to where I was sitting. Until the two came running, I looked up quickly from my novel hoping that maybe this was the day that they would ask me to play. Only my thoughts were in vain, they ran right past me. Just as I was about to look down, I was staring at Bruce's face a moment before, he was gone. He had fallen down a hole in the ground that we had never knew was there. A old mine or something. It didn't matter to us kids. It only mattered now when I try to tell the story.

I remember Rachel screaming, I remember dropping my book and running to go and get help.

Why wouldn't you?

It isn't as though a child at that age could jump down the mine and jump back. Or climb down.

Then my memory just gets blurry, I remember asking Bruce's father if I could go down with him. I remember his father shaking his head and putting his hand on my shoulder briefly.

I remember still hearing Rachel the choked sobs of a young child, making my skin crawl even at that age.

I remember that Bruce's mother took Rachel away from the scene. I remember her trying to take my hand and coax me away from where Bruce was. I shook her off and demanded that I stay. I wasn't leaving him behind. I had to stay. I had to watch. I could never leave Bruce. I was attached to him.

Alfred was there, a much younger man with the same sass and bold personality that would seep out at some unexpected moments. He put his hand on my shoulder before talking to Mr. Wayne and helping him get the line to go and get Bruce.

His father brought him up from the "bat cave." A childish name Bruce and I gave it after he told me that the cave was filled with bats. A fear that I overcame the following year, always was afraid of them before. Now to be un-phased.