Memory Lane

Chapter Forty Four

"The way a crow shook down on me the dust of snow from a Hemlock tree. Has given my heart a change of mood, and saved some part of a day I had rued." - Robert Frost

Memory Lane: Chapter Forty Four

Jesse's POV

She hasn't talked to me for three days. Three days since I pulled out that newspaper. I never should have gone snooping around on the bookshelf.

Three days that I have barely had any sleep. I completely lost my appetite, so its been three days since I've eaten more than a half a sandwich. And only then because my mom practically forced me to.

"Jesse?"

I move my eyes from where they were staring at the bare wall of my bedroom and they land on my mom, standing worriedly in my doorway.

"When was the last time you went outside?" She asks gently.

I move my eyes back to the wall and shrug.

"Honey, you can't stay cooped up in here."

"Why?" I ask, my voice gravelly from a few days of minimum use.

"Because sitting in that bed isn't good for you," she says, turning the light on. I instantly shut my eyes, the brightness quickly turning into a headache. "Look, honey, I know that Laura broke up with you and I am so sorry. I know how much you love that girl, I do too. But, this isn't healthy behavior."

I shake my head, shutting my eyes tightly. She doesn't know what happened. I can't bring myself to even admit it outloud.

"She may come around," my mom continues. "This doesn't have to be the end of your relationship with her, honey."

That only hurts more. Because I think it just may be.

"Why don't you go somewhere?"

There's nowhere I want to go. Not in that truck.

Never in that truck. Never again.

I just shake my head. She stands there, stubbornly.

"You aren't going to leave until I at least come downstairs, are you?" I ask, opening my eyes to look at her.

She shakes her head.

With a heavy grunt, I sit up from the bed and follow her downstairs, my feet dragging and shoulders bogged down with guilt. As I sit on the couch next to her, paying no attention to the show she's placing on the TV, my mind wanders. I understand Laura's feelings. I understand how hurt, how betrayed she must feel.

At first, I was almost angry. Angry that she could have taken a moment she promised wasn't my fault and thrown it back in my face. But, as the days have progressed I've realized I'm not angry at all. How can I be?

Laura has never had someone tangible to blame. Never been able to face someone and make them take the heartache that night permanently gave her. I understand I've suddenly become that tangible person for her. I'll be that person if that's what she needs, but fuck it hurts.

My eyes find the window, wishing the world outside could swallow me up. Then, my heart nearly jumps out of my chest. I have to clear my eyes, running a hand over my tired face to make sure I'm not imagining things. But I'm not.

It's her. She's there. Laura's sitting in my driveway, the wind whipping around her. Her back is to me, but I know it's her. It would be impossible for me to not recognize every single part of her. I am both lucky and fear that she is forever engraved into my memory.