What If... HYDRA Got Hold of Loki?

i only sink deeper the deeper i think

Nothing feels real.

The haze has been lifted, and now, nothing feels real.

He wouldn't have done this – any of this.

He knows himself, and he never would have done this.

But he did.

He can't believe he did all of that.

"Loki?"

Somebody's saying his name. He can hear it, but he can't... hear it.

It's as though the gravity of the whole situation, the whole last decade of his life, comes crashing down on him at once.

It didn't feel so bad at the time. It felt right. It felt natural.

But there was nothing natural about it.

He knows that now.

"Loki, can you hear me? Are you okay?"

He almost doesn't believe it.

He almost doesn't believe he let them do that.

He let them cut him open.

He let them boil him alive.

He let them try to drown him – and then he sobbed when they couldn't. His body fought to keep itself alive, and he apologized.

How could he let this happen?

"Loki?"

There's a hand on his cheek, but there's no warmth to it; no comforting aura. It's different than it was been before. It feels worse, and somehow, that feels better.

He doesn't understand what he saw in her. She's nothing. She's nobody. She did nothing to earn his devotion, yet he would have died for her – so nearly did die for her, more times than he can count.

"Loki, look at me."

He hates taking orders. He's always hated taking orders. How did he forget that? Why has he been so eager to go along with every cruel game everybody has tried to play?

He used to try to fight. He remembers that. In the beginning, he would try to fight it. He didn't want to go in the cage. He didn't want to watch them cut him open. He had to, but he didn't want to.

When did that change? How did he lose that fight?

How could he let this happen to him?

"He's not listening."

"I think you broke him."

Is that what happened?

They broke him.

He's broken.

He's just a fragment of the person he used to be.

They chipped away at him until there was nothing left of who he was, who he used to be. They broke him down and molded him into something new, and he doesn't know if he can find the person he used to be.

"What do I do?"

"I don't know, maybe use the scepter again and see if you can snap him out of it?"

"What if that makes it worse?"

"I don't know how much worse it can get, Nat."

Everything was so much easier under its spell.

Everything was good. Everything had a purpose. He had a purpose. Everything was easier when he had a purpose. That's all gone now.

He's never going to feel the warmth of his former Master's touch again. Even if she touches him, it won't be the same. It won't be her. He's lost his Master; his purpose. He's lost everything. His whole reason to live, to be, is gone.