Pronouns

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 18 (𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐂𝐓 𝐀𝐓 𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐂𝐎𝐒𝐓)

𝑷𝒓𝒐𝒏𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒔 (𝑪𝑯𝑨𝑷𝑻𝑬𝑹 𝑬𝑰𝑮𝑯𝑻𝑬𝑬𝑵)

"TIME OF DEATH: 9:38 p.m"

The moment the doctor made his news, there was an uncomfortable amount of silence, which caused me to scan my surroundings. I opened my eyes and saw that I was in a hospital operating room. 

W-Why am I here?

I closed my eyes for a moment, trying to recall how I came in here. My last memory is that I went to Ms. Ortega's unit with Ash, and that's when I got into a fight with Kuya that turned violent for a little while. I managed to leave first and what happened next is…

Agad kong binuksan ang mga mata ko nang maalala ang lahat nang nangyari kaya mabilis kong tinungo ang pinto palabas sa operating room at patulak itong binuksan. Muli kong inilibot ang paningin sa bawat sulok ng ospital at laking gulat ko ng may teddy bear na biglang tumalsik sa bandang paanan ko. Napayuko ako para damputin na sana ito ng bigla kong namukaan ang laruan dahil sa nakaburdang pangalan sa bandang likuran nito.

Anong...

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE NASH??? WHAT DID YOU DO?!" 

Agad kong ibinaling ang tingin sa direksyon kung saan nagsalita ang pamilyar na boses at bumungad sa akin ang isang nakaluhod na lalaki na hawak hawak sa magkabilang braso ang sinisigawan na batang babae na walang humpay sa pag-iyak, mapapansin din ang mga galos sa iba't ibang bahagi ng katawan niya na kinaangat ng mata ko.

"The police reviewed the dashcam and guess what they saw?! Tell me honestly what you did, you stubborn liar!"

When I recognized what was happening, my knees became weak.

H-How---How on earth is that possible? I refuse to have these flashbacks! Take it back!

It's the one I'd want to forget than to remember, but that's not how it works. We bury the unpleasant memories deeply, but they remain. They are always present within us. 

My heart breaks for my younger self as I watch her struggle to explain herself in the face of never-ending questioning with trembling hands and bulging eyes.

"T-there's a car and...and...Mommy and I...we..."

"Stop flinching Nash! Tell the officers what really happened." My dad was breaking down uncontrollably and gripping the little girl's wrist.

"B-But I'm telling the truth, Daddy."

"Sir, huwag po na'ting ipressure yung bata. Makakapag hintay naman po yung police report." Tila may pag-aalala na tugon ng isa sa mga pulis kaya siya naman ang binalingan nang galit ng ama ko.

"Huwag kang mangialam dito kung ayaw mong madamay." 

Pinagmasdan ko ang mga tao sa paligid na pinapanood lang ang mga nangyayari sa harapan nila. Kitang kita ko ang mga mata nila na walang pinapakitang konsiderasyon. Si Kuya, Si Abuela at higit sa lahat….ang sarili kong ama. 

Lumabas ang doctor sa emergency room at inanunsyo ang balitang babago sa buhay ko. Patakbong lumapit ang batang ako sa kinaroroonan ng taong pinakamahalaga para sa aming dalawa. Wala akong magawa kundi tumayo sa tabi nito at masaksihan uli ang nakaka pandurog na pangyayari na hindi ko akalaing makikita at mararamdaman ko ulit.

"I'll give you lots of kisses when you wake up po. Mom?....Why are you sleeping so much?" My younger self leaned closer to my mom's ears in the hopes that she might hear her clearly. "Mommy, get up na po...Mommyyyyy. Are you sick?"