The Night I Flew

Chapter 2

That night at dinner, both of our mothers were giggling and sipping on glasses of red wine, talking like old friends. This was the first time I saw my mother truly happy, with a real smile. Will I ever have that again? A real smile? Would this boy I was supposed to marry be just like my father? Would he have constant affairs? Would I end up as sad and lonely as my mother?

I refused to be like her. She wasn't living, but merely surviving. I would rather die than have a life like hers. I will not be a miserable housewife. I will not be some trophy that can be put on display whenever some random man says so. Who were these people to say who I marry? Who were they to force me into this horrible fate? "Anastasia."I heard my mother say from across the table. I turned slightly to look at her. "Go on, talk to the young man. You will be married when winter comes around after all."Mother said, and looked at Gabrielle, " 'I'm so sorry mother, but I would rather stab my fork in my eye than talk to this boy. Let alone marry him."I glared at her, then Gabrielle.

"Stop being dramatic Dear. After all, you were the one who told your father to send the proposal."She said, turning to laugh with Gabrielle's mother. What was she talking about?, "No. No, I didn't. I didn't even know why they were here until after I walked downstairs." And just like that, everyone at the table went silent. "What do you mean you didn't know we were coming? We were told in our letter that you specifically wanted to marry our son."Gabrielle's father said, looking at my father. That's why mother was so excited, she thought I was doing this willingly. "No, I've never even heard of any of you before today."I said, coldly. Was this really all it took? Is this how I get out of this?

"Damian. Did you send the proposal without her permission?" Mother asked, looking over at him. I had never seen my mother mad, but now I was glad I hadn't. Did she really care that much? Then I knew... She was trying to protect me from her life. She didn't want me to live like her either. She was trying to get me to marry for love. I suddenly have a new appreciation for my mother. "How many times have we talked about this!? You were not to send any letters for proposals without her permission. We always said she would marry when she was ready, not when we decided we wanted her to. That's her call to make. Not yours."

I couldn't believe my mother really cared that much. I was suddenly extremely thankful for her. My poor mother, who was forced into staying with my awful father. "Well, I think I should be able to choose a husband for her, considering you were never able to give me a son!"My father shouted at her. She flinched. It was so slight you would've never even noticed if you hadn't been watching closely , but I did. I noticed. My mother and father both thought for many years that she was infertile, until I was born. She had many miscarriages, and that broke her. Some of the older maids used to tell me she used to call me, "my little miracle" when I was really young.

My mother endured so much pain from my father. He used to say things like, "I might as well divorce you, you can't even give me a son! All I got was a stupid daughter. What use will she ever be to me!?"right to her face. My horrible father used to make my mother feel bad for having me. When I was young, I used to dream I was a boy, so my parents would stop yelling. Hoping that they would find peace with each other if I wasn't a girl.

It wasn't her fault, and now here he is again, bringing it up, using it against her, in front of other people. "Damian, do we really have to bring this up right now. Your daughter's choice of who she marries should not be decided by what's under her skirt! If she is anything like either of us, she will do greater things than any son could've!" My mom yelled at him, holding back tears.

She stormed out of the dining area, crying. My father just sat there, mouth agape. He was probably wondering how his obedient wife could say all that. I didn't know what to do with myself anymore, so I lowered my head and started fiddling with a loose thread on my dress. Complete silence filled the room, then suddenly the woman spoke up. "We will take our leave now. I was pleased to meet your daughter though. If you ever change your mind dear, let us know."She said with a sympathetic smile.

Could she tell? Could she see all the pain I was enduring with them? Her smile was warm and kind. I wondered when I last saw that look from someone. Had I ever? No, I decided. I had never, in my 18 years of life had anyone ever looked at me with that much care and compassion. "Thank you."I whispered so quietly, you would've never heard it if you weren't really listening. I smiled back at her, then her face changed. I knew this look though, very well, actually. Pity. She pitied me for this. I wasn't sure how she saw right through me and my fake smile. My facade. My defense mechanism.

Perhaps she was told to expect something like it. Or perhaps, she saw right into my soul. All the pain and frustration in me. After all, the eyes truly are the windows to the soul. They all filed out one by one, leaving only me and my father. I suddenly felt vulnerable. The protection of guests was gone. Now he could yell and shout and scold all he wanted without tainting his reputation. "Why couldn't you just keep your mouth shut!? I swear, you are so ungrateful! He was our best chance to rise in society and you just turned him away!", He fumed.

"Why!? I don't want to end up like mother! Is that what you wanted!? I didn't want a loveless marriage filled with lies and arguments! You make her so unhappy she never leaves her room! All you do is sleep around, and she has never, in my whole life, been happy!"I shouted, pointing an accusing finger at him. This horrible man, the man I called my father. Before he could say anything, I ran off, just as mother did.

I didn't quite know where I was going, but before I could think, my body was being pulled to the bridge that ran over the river in front of the house. I wanted some peace and quiet after that mentally exhausting dinner. But behind me, I heard someone walking.