Withering moon lit rose

Chapter 37

"Hey~ Akutagawa." Dazai smiled as he entered the agency. Multiple hours late as usual. Akutagawa knew the only reason he wanted to speak with him this morning was due to the now fading mark on his face.

"So you gonna tell me what happened?" He was now leaning on the back of Akutagawa's chair tilting him backwards. Kunikida sighed.

"Leave the boy alone. Will you, if you're so bothered he kissed Atsushi okay? Mystery solved, now get to work you waste of good bandages." Kunikida was not in a good mood, for reasons unknown.

Dazai remained silent for a few moments before grabbing Akutagawa's wrist and pulling him to the roof. Dazai would deal with Kunikida's anger later.

"Why did you bring me up here?" The younger questioned as he sat himself on the small ledge of the building.

"What happened this morning?" He questioned, it wasn't his typical jokester tone though. It was serious like when he was back in the Mafia.

"I kissed him. What's more to know?" Akutagawa was starting to get fed up with this question.

"No. I know you. For the better part of this past month I've seen you stare at him from afar. I mean you have basically stalked him. But you've never touched him. So something had to have happened to get you to kiss him. So what?" As always Dazai knew everything. So Akutagawa began to recall to Dazai about the entirety of the morning events. When he was finished Dazai crossed his arms and placed his hand on his chin.

"Interesting, sounds like we've made progress." Akutagawa raised an (non-existent) eyebrow in confusion.

"You said so yourself he appeared to be in pain. But you comforting him helped reduce it. Just like when he was in the coma. You said the name Jinko triggered it. Only you have ever called him that." Dazai moved to lean against the wall and sighed.

"So I can imagine he can now recall the last time you kissed him. When was that?" Dazai was asking some personal questions that Akutagawa would rather not answer. But he was more experienced when trying to understand these situations so he wouldn't ask questions for no reason.

"The last day I saw him, three years ago. But it wasn't exactly a happy moment. He was mad at me for not telling him sooner. But afterwards we just kinda sat in silence, we just needed each other's comfort at that time." Dazai nodded to Akutagawa's response. Atsushi's actions towards the man while he'd been at the agency all made sense now.

"That explains everything between you two." Akutagawa had given up questioning everything the man said. He then remembered the letter Atsushi had written him, the slap this morning made sense. He'd hated him according to the letter. So if what Dazai was implying was true then how valid was that letter.

"You're thinking about the letter he wrote you, aren't you?" Akutagawa widened his eyes at the comment.

"If you're wondering how I know, I was there the day Atsushi gave Chuuya the letter. And from what I've heard, it wasn't the kindest letter. Was it?" Akutagawa lowered his head before nodding. Yes the letter had been cruel. But he'd always believed that it wasn't him who wrote it. But deep down he knew he had. Dazai saw the look on Akutagawa's face and laughed quietly.

"Is my despair so amusing to you?" Akutagawa questioned, venom laced in his voice. Dazai waved his hand dismissively.

"It's just how much you believe in that letter." Akutagwa felt at a loss. Was he supposed to not believe it? While yes some of it was unbelievable but other parts of it were.

'Crawls through the dark'

'Try to kill me on multiple occasions'

'Look at your face'

Akutagwa felt that stabbing feeling cross his heart once more. He gripped at his shirt slightly but not long after Dazai slapped him clean across the face.

"You idiot!" He shouted in exasperation.

"W..What..." Akutagawa mumbled as he recollected himself.

"You honestly believe that letter! If you do, I feel sorry for Atsushi for loving someone so foolish!" Dazai wasn't holding anything back.

"He gave everything for you! He let himself be captured for you! He chose you as the final person to leave his words with! You think he wrote that letter just to hurt you? Of course not! He was doing it to save you! To help you move on! He didn't want you to get hung up on him so he wrote that letter!" Dazai took a second to gather his breath and calm himself.

"He was forcing you to move on. Because he didn't want you suffering in his absence. And look at where you are now." Dazai pointed to Akutagawa. And he knew what he'd meant.

He had left the Mafia.

He had joined the Detective Agency.

He saved people's lives.

He had genuine friendships.

He had more people that cared about him now then he even did in the prior twenty years he'd been alive.

He actually lived instead of surviving.

And it had all been thanks to Atsushi.

Dazai sighed, realising he'd taken it too far again. He felt all he ever did was harm Akutagawa, but it had to be done. He opened his coat and dug inside until he pulled out a letter. It looked old and worn but it was unopened. He extended it to Akutagawa.

"Here. Take it." He shook it towards the man who after a few seconds took it.

"What's this?" He questioned.

"The actual letter meant for you. When Chuuya and someone else left so Atsushi and myself could have some final words he handed this to me." Dazai moved his vision to the sky recalling what had happened.