Tinkering Hearts

Chapter Thirty-Three

Zaelia

I hate this. I hate this. I hate this.

I hate what I'm feeling right now. Everything's over the place. I thought I had everything crunched up between my palms. I thought I had control. 

"Can you stop pacing like a madwoman already? It's giving me a migraine, Zee!" Naureen finally snaps. 

I stop walking and save my thumb from being completely chewed up. Slumping on the couch, I let my head fall back. "This is so infuriating! I don't know what to fucking do! He's here. Like, HERE! Of all the places, in NYC!"

"OK! He's here. So what? You're going to keep letting the thread have a loose end? Never going to tie it? Never going to talk it out?"

"I can't—" my voice comes out hitched, and I hate that. I hate how he managed to erupt all the feelings I had to let go of just by showing up in front of me. Miraculously.

"Look at me." Naureen scoots near and holds my cold hands. When I do, she continues, "I know the situation looks hideous right now. But you have to face it someday. You need to allow him to explain."

"There's nothing left to explain!"

"We both know, you need it."

"No, I don't," I avoid her gaze. "He left me years ago. He explained it all in the letter. He was a coward. So what if we shared some past? I don't want to let him in again. I have a say and a choice in this. So I choose to let him go."

Naureen shakes her head. "You're impossible, Zee. Well, you do you. Don't come back running to me crying about how much you wanna kiss his arse."

"I won't."

She wordlessly gets up and goes to the front door. When I hear it click, I let out a sigh of frustration. This is it. Today is the tomorrow I talked about to Sicre. And today is the same tomorrow I won't meet up with him. I cannot let anything start.

. * ● ¸ .

Someone's banging on my door. Hard. 

I toss and turn, my introverted ass trying to ignore it. Unable to handle the continuous banging, I eventually feel around for my phone on the bedside and check the time. 9:00pm. Who the fuck?

I slither out of bed and curse the person as I slip on my slippers and walk through the living room. I quietly head to the door, but my heart stops when I hear a voice.

"I know you're in there, Zee! If you're trying to avoid me, it's not working!" His voice comes out, loud, but patient. 

This was the last thing I wanted. For Sicre fucking Caterall to show up at my front door. My pulse quickens. I groan and headbutt the door, the only barrier between us and what we had. 

"Zee?" his voice is hoarse, close and hopeful. 

My mouth feels like jelly when I force the bitter words out. "Leave, Sicre."

There's no sound from the other side. I shut my eyes tight, hoping he left. But I hear a sigh.

"Please." I sound so vulnerable right now. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. "Leave before I file a restraining order against you."

There's a light chuckle on the other side. The voice resonates closer as if his head is pressed on the door, against mine, through the door. Fucking door. "We've been there, Sleeping Beauty."

I try to ignore the old butterflies when he called me that and I try to wipe the smile off my face as the memories of it all flash. 

"I waited for you," he continues. "At the cafe near Central Park. Where we met again."