Loud and Clear (F1 x CL16)

6. Blessing

It was Saturday. Quali day. I was so excited to go out on track again. But was even more excited to put my signature on the paper in front of me. I was sitting opposite of Binotto. He just gave me the contract for a seat at Ferrari. 2020 was going to be a whole new start. I was looking over the agreements. I would get a loan raise of 10% on my loan I had now with Toro Rosso. And even more duties as a combined first driver. Yes, right, I was going to be Ferrari's main driver, just like Charles. It was huge for a team to say that. Because that would mean they wouldn't favour anyone, unless one was doing a lot better than the other.
I picked up the pen. This was the moment I was waiting for. My dream, my parents dream. This was the highest moment of my career.
I placed the pen on the paper and... signed. I sighed from relief. It was done. I was officially Ferrari's new driver for 2020.
"Welcome to Ferrari, miss. LaRue." Binotto extended his hand and I shook it.
"I'm so excited for next year. Thank you for this amazing opportunity." I smiled at the team principal. This was unreal.
"No, thank you. We're so happy to have you join our team." I smiled at Binotto and then left his office, which was in the facility of Ferrari. I was just trying to avoid Charles now. He didn't know of anything related to a new teammate. And he wouldn't figure that out until the end of the summer break. That was the deal I made. Toro Rosso and Ferrari would announce my switch just before the Belgium Grand Prix, so that I would have a peaceful summer without being chased by crazy people.
The only people that knew of my departure from Toro Rosso were Tost, Horner, Helmut, Binotto and the people who were at that little meeting yesterday.
I only got the news of the seat being available to me on Monday, after my podium finish. I was kind of suspecting it already. But I was still thrilled when they called me to tell me I had made it to their team.
And now I signed with them. How amazing?
I was almost at the back door of Ferrari when my name was called. "Brigitte?"
Shit. It was Charles. I turned around and... there he was, walking towards me. "Hey..." I said, really trying to hide why I was here.
"Hey. Are you here to talk?" His assumption saved my ass.
"Yes! Yes I'm here to talk... can we maybe go to your room? For some privacy." He nodded and led me to his room. I looked around and admired the neatly decorated room, which would be mine next year.
"I don't suppose you're ready to talk about yesterday yet?" Charles asked and I wanted to nod, avoid the awful pain in my heart by thinking of my parents death.
But I didn't. Instead I said: "I am ready." It shocked the both of us. I sat down on the couch and waited for Charles to sit next to me.
"Before you start, I want you to not feel pressured. I'm totally okay with it if you're not ready." His kind words made me smile, even though deep inside my heart was feeling broken, like it felt for the last 12 years.
"When I was 12... we met, right? At the karting?" I asked and he nodded to confirm. "Well that night I was staying at Pierre's since the competition would be that day. My parents would go to some event so they couldn't be there with me. But on their way back home from dropping me off.. they got hit by another car." I took a deep breath. "They uhm..." I swallowed. "They died in that crash." Tears were now in my eyes. I never talked about this to anyone beside Pierre. Of course everyone knew my parents died, but forgot I had a race only 15 hours after.
"I'm so sorry, Brigitte. I had no idea that they had only passed away just before your race." His eyes were filled with concern. It made me want to cry even harder.
But I put myself together. I had to give him an explanation, it was the least he deserved. "I was feeling awful that day and was mad at Pierre for making me meet you, even though I was feeling at my worst."
"So that's why you had such a weird face, you were just caught between a thousand thoughts and grief." Charles said and I could only nod.
"That day... at the race. You took me out." He looked confused but than he started to remember it. He was about to say something but I put my hand up. "We were young, reckless. And I know you didn't know it was me. But when I crashed... and survived without a scratch... that made me realise how unfair life is." I gazed at my lap, my fingers were twitching in my lap. I was so nervous about this. I didn't know Charles the best because, well, I hated him. But he seemed to be good at listening. So this was the only right thing to do, right? "I was the one that had to die that day."
Tears welled up in his eyes. "Don't... don't think like that." He took my hands and caressed my palms with his thumbs. "I'm so sorry for crashing into you. I didn't know it was you.. and didn't expect that your dnf had such a big impact on your point of view towards me." He looked hurt.
"I've been putting the blame on you for years now. But I only realised yesterday that the blame was on me. I shouldn't have punished you for something you couldn't have done. You didn't kill my parents, neither did I. And that's the hardest thing I had to realise. And I should've realised that much earlier." I broke down. Tears were rolling down my cheeks and—
Charles' hands left mine and raised to my face, where he wiped my tears away. His soft touch on my cheeks made me forget about everything I just said. It was just him and me in his room. A totally bad thing but I just couldn't seem to leave.
He leaned closer a bit and there was not much left between our lips from being connected. I was aware of the distance between us and I just couldn't care less. I leaned in even closer and our eyes didn't leave each other the entire time, until I looked at his lips. I could see his gaze slip to mine as well. "We shouldn't do this." I said as our lips almost touched.
"Than tell me to stop." Charles whispered against my lips and I lost the focus on my control.
Our lips almost touched. "I can't." I whispered back and that was all Charles needed to hear before he locked his lips with mine.
It was a soft, but powerful kiss. He was so tender with me, as if I could break any moment now. And if his hands weren't placed on my waist right now I was sure I would just break into a million pieces.
This was a kiss like no one I've ever had before. It was scary, but in the meantime just so lovely. I couldn't seem to get enough, nor did he. Charles' lips explored mine. And before I even knew he just stopped. He looked at me and I looked back. This was a whole new part of our story.
He wasn't my enemy. But what was he than?
"I think we should get ready for fp3." Charles said and I nodded. We were still close to each other, but the sensation from earlier had drifted away.
Was this a mistake? He was my future teammate. And I just kissed him. But he didn't know that yet.