Loud and Clear (F1 x CL16)

19. Controversial

AUTHORS NOTE: I AM NOT FOLLOWING THE REAL 2020 SEASON, EVERY CANCELED GRAND PRIX TAKES PLACE IN THIS BOOK!!

After testing it was time for the real deal. The first practice of the 2020 season. We were in Melbourne for the first grand prix. Today felt quite good. After weeks of catching up on training and team meetings it was finally time for the real deal.
Normally on Friday we would just be practicing, but for once they also got a driver challenge for us. Or better said, for me and Charles. I didn't understand why we didn't do this yesterday, but I didn't really mind. I got to spend time with Charles, that was already a big thanks. For the last month we had both been busy. Sometimes so busy that we didn't see each other for at least four days. Longer than that wasn't possible because we would then just cancel everything and go out. We had a lot of fun together, we went on a lot of dates and became a lot closer since Christmas. But we still hadn't made that big step. We aren't a couple yet. Which is mostly my fault. I've set boundaries. Which prevent us from really being open. We're only together when we're behind closed doors and almost nobody knows about us. It hurts so damn much to not post those stupid photos of us together, or to just hold hands in public. Just kiss him whenever I felt like it.
All those little problems kept us apart. And sometimes I thought that I wasn't good enough for Charles. He deserved better. But my career was at stake. A lot was at stake. And I really, really liked him. He was the cure to my broken heart. I knew that ever since that one time when he came by at the motorhome and listened to me.
"You've been awfully quiet." Charles said as he sat down beside me on the couch. Normally he would squeeze my hand and tell me everything is fine. Or even joke about my 'thinking face'. But there was a camera placed right at our head, and a bunch of people from Ferrari were behind it.
"Just thinking." I said and let my gaze wander over the crowd, ignoring Charles. "What are we doing exactly?" I asked to nobody precisely.
"Guess the song." The red haired lady called out. She put the camera in place and everyone turned silent. A box was next to us so we could hear the songs clearly.
"Oh I'm going to win this!" I said as I looked over at Charles. He knew a lot of songs, I would know. Because he literally sang them all when they got on the radio. While I only knew the ones I had on my playlist.
"I wouldn't be so sure if I were you." Charles said and let his arms rest on the back of the couch. One arm behind my head. I leaned back slightly, not to make it obvious, but I was craving to be with him, even if it was for just a moment. We hadn't had the chance to even see each other the entire morning, and practice would start in only an hour. This moment was actually the first time I saw him this morning, and I hadn't even looked him in the eye as we were talking. This felt so off.
"Okay. Just listen to the song and say the right song after pressing on the red buzzer in front of you." The lady said and I sat ready, having the buzzer in my lap, the same as Charles. "Ready? Go!"
The first song played and I listened to the first five seconds, after that I pressed the buzzer, just like Charles did. "Cardigan!" We both said and we exchanged a glance. I smiled at him and he gave the smallest smile back. This was the song he said he knew from Taylor Swift... It was kind of sad that they didn't put another one in, since he didn't knew the rest, like he said when we were baking cookies.
"Okay both one point."

After about 15 minutes of listening to all kind of music we were tied. Only one song was left and it was about to start. I leaned forward, getting ready to win. The song started and—
"A thousand miles!" Charles said as he hit the buzzer. I sighed and fell back.
I lost. How could I have been so slow? "Congrats." I said and stood up from the couch. It was time to get ready for practice anyway. "Thanks for the game. I'm gonna change for practice." I said with a smile to the lady. I turned back to the couch and saw Charles getting up as well. We exchanged a look and we quickly left the room, on our way to our own.
"Good morning, mon amour." Charles said as we got into my room. Luckily no one was in the hallway to see us both enter my room.
"Morning." I said as I closed the door behind me and walked over to Charles, who was standing in the middle of my room.
He opened his arms and I walked right into them, letting him take me in an embrace. "I know something is off, so please tell me." He almost begged.
"I know we talked about being private in the paddock and stuff, but it seems to be a lot harder now that we're actually in the paddock." I said with a sigh and I let my head rest against his chest, his chin resting on top of my head.
"I get it. But do you think it would be better if we go openly about dating. Aren't you scared that your career would be put in jeopardy?" Charles asked as his hands trailed over my back, soothing me.
"I am scared, Charles. I've never been more afraid of someone walking into my room, or someone somehow noticing us." I looked up at him. "I can't pretend that I don't like you. We've been dating for three months, and now that we are racing again it all falls apart. It's like those last two months never happened."
"But they did." Charles said, his hand finding my chin, keeping me locked in my place. "You can act like you like me, I mean, everyone does." He joked and I had to chuckle. "But if it puts your career in danger and you think you'll be viewed as less... than I don't know." He shrugged with his shoulders and his eyes were filled with a feeling I couldn't quite place.
"With testing I didn't feel anxious, but now..." I let my eyes lock with his. "I don't know if I want to continue this path." I wasn't clear to him. Because I didn't know what I wanted. I wanted us to be more, but with us being teammates it would be impossible. This privacy thing wasn't going to work. Not if I wanted more.
"What are you saying, Brie?" He said my name with so much emotion, I almost broke. But this wasn't the time to cry.
"I'm saying that I need to figure out where I stand." My gaze didn't leave his as I continued speaking. "I don't want us to stop dating, hell I'd rather want to be your girlfriend right now. But I can't because I need to keep those boundaries. And it's tearing us apart." The confession laid there, right between us. We were both silent, not sure what to say now.
Charles' hand cupped my cheek. "I don't remember those boundaries saying we can't be exclusive." Charles said with a grin and I couldn't help but chuckle at his joke. "We'll be careful. Okay? But do not say that we're tearing down. Because I do not want to let you go." His words were so sweet, my heart started to beat faster because of it.
I nodded and let my gaze finally leave his eyes. "I want to go public." The words left my mind in an instant. "But... I want to talk to Mattia first."
Charles' eyes widened. "Are you sure? Because a lot of people will be against us." His thumb caressed my cheek as he spoke.
"People hated me because I was a woman who drove in Formula One. I think I can survive this. But only if it isn't hurting for the team." I pointed out and Charles nodded.
"That sounds like a solid plan. So if Mattia says yes, then you'll be my girlfriend." His lips turned up into that smile.
I stood on my tiptoes and kissed him. "If he says yes." I gave him another kiss. "I'll be your girlfriend." I smiled at him.
"Thank god. I was so scared you were going to break up with me." He stared down at me and gave me a long kiss, keeping me firm in his embrace as he puts his arms around my waist.