Knotted in Love

Part 18

"Wait. Hold on. You mean, soon? Now?" Karishma is caught off guard. She knows it is something they have always talked about. She knows it is bound to happen. She knows. "No."

"No." Haseena repeats Karishma's word. It is not the type of repetition for reassurance but it is just a simple repetition of acknowledgement. Haseena says it with her eyes on Karishma's but there is nothing in those sights. They are blank and they shake Karishma somehow. Karishma thought she was at least on the intermediate level on reading Haseena's expression but this moment has proved that she was wrong. She is somewhere between beginner and elementary. "Okay."

"Look," Karishma doesn't know what to go on with that. She can only guess that this conversation is about to lead to another fight; not a major one since Kara is here. Haseena knows how to take no for an answer but she is not that good at taking disappointment. If there is a fight coming, Karishma feels the need to stop it before Haseena gets to put cannon balls in her arsenal. "I know we've talked about it here and there but..."

"But." Haseena calmly repeats her again. She hasn't taken her eyes away from her. Karishma starts to feel the shift from the blank ones into the warm and comforting ones. Haseena suddenly becomes softer as if her cannon balls are not delivered on time and she decides to retreat.

"This is going to sound so bad." Karishma mumbles and lets out a big sigh before facing Haseena who pays all of her attention on her wife. "I want a baby with you, Haseena. No doubt about that. The thing is... To be completely honest, I don't think we'll survive if we have a baby now. This year."

"Okay." Haseena listens and responds. She doesn't budge. She doesn't build up any storms over their heads. It starts to feel surreal. She would at least be bothered. The plan has just changed and when things change, she gets so bothered.

"You'll be a great mom, baby but... we... we..."

"We are not strong enough." Haseena finishes Karishma's sentence with a smile. She is so unbothered and at peace. It almost feels like this is just another casual conversation for her.

"We are not strong enough... for this kind of responsibility... now." Karishma tries to emphasize on the 'now' so that Haseena wouldn't get the wrong idea. She doesn't want Haseena to think that she has changed her mind and left her out of it. Before she can go on, Kara moves a bit on her bed and starts to whine. Haseena leans in to give Karishma a kiss on her forehead before getting on her feet to check on Kara. "Haseena, don't get this the wrong way, okay? I do want this with you but just not now."

"Yeah, I hear you." Haseena smiles. "Don't worry."

"So she heard you."

Kat says while pulling out a blouse out of the rack. They are spending their day off on shopping and strolling around together. It is something they hadn't gotten a chance to do since Kat was back in town. Willa should have joined them but she is on-call for her Anesthesia rotation.

"She said she did." Karishma sips her coffee and chooses blouses on the rack. None of them interest her when her mind is elsewhere. "She heard me and she secretly gets mad."

"Secretly?" Kat chuckles. It is beyond her of how they manage to get married and act like a dating couple. "She acts like it?"

"No." Karishma replies with frustration. Haseena is as sweet as she always is. Karishma tries to look for things that are wrong but that's all she can do; she tries. "That's the problem. Like. I know she is very good at pretending to be okay so that I will not be worried. Now, it feels like she is pretending to be okay and I'm worried."

"Maybe she isn't pretending?" Kat holds up two blouses of different colors for Karishma to choose. Karishma takes a quick second to look at both before choosing one. It should be an enjoyable activity to do on a day off but her expression just says otherwise. "What is happening? This isn't you. Did Haseena kill and hide the body of 'the let's-talk-it-out Karishma"?"