The Party|| The outsiders || REUPLOAD, SAME CREATOR

I'm not right.

Ponyboy's POV:

I've been ignoring Dallas and Johnny lately. I've been ignoring most people actually. Even Soda a bit. I don't know why, I just can't muster up any words. It felt wrong to be here after what I did. I can't betray mom and dad. I know they're watching, and I have to make them proud. They'd be happy if I'm with Cherry. Not if.. If I'm with them it will just upset them.

Mom and Dad were Christian and took us to church with them every once in a while. They weren't so religious that we had to follow every single rule of the bible, and had to go to church every Sunday, but they did have us read the bible every once in a while and have us come to church with them sometimes. I still have my copy. I've read the whole thing, and I know a few scriptures by heart. I know this.. That would just cross the line for them though. I know it. It's not right, and I will not upset them with this.

I'm Christian too, you know. I don't think the gang knows, well besides Sodapop and Darry of course. Johnny asked me about religion before, saying he was always curious about how it worked, but I just shrugged and acted like I didn't know.

Anyways, back to now, I'm just laying in bed. Soda's been asking me to get out of bed for a while but I haven't. This has been going on for days. I'll get out for school, but as soon as I get home I'm back in bed. I'm not even getting much sleep though. Ironic huh?

They've had to bring me my food so I'll eat. I don't know why I'm doing this. It just feels right. I don't want to see Johnny or Dally, and they're always in the house so staying in bed is the easiest way to avoid him. The days have been blurred. Sodapop popped in the room and told me I have school. He said Steve was gonna drive me again. Great, time to get scolded again.

I groaned as I got up and got dressed, messily throwing some grease on my hair and throwing my bookbag over my shoulder. I just jump in his car and stare at the ground, not wanting to look at Steve. I hear Steve get in the car a few minutes later.

"So.. Pony..." I can tell he looked at me.

I sighed and hesitated before looking up at him. Why does he actually look kind of concerned? Steve doesn't care for me. He hates me! I think he noticed that I was surprised, because he quickly spoke up.

"I know we're not really friends, but you're part of the gang so I can't just leave this alone.. I don't know what's going on, but whatever it is isn't good for you... I know what happened between you Johnny and Dally, so if that has anything to do with it-"

I cut him off with a small sob. I couldn't help it. I knew I looked weak, but I couldn't help it. I cried and leaned into his shoulder. I had to. I hadn't been close to anyone in so long, not even sleeping with Sodapop for a bit. It wasn't my crying that was loud, it was my breaths. My jagged and heavy breaths were what gave it away. "I can't.."

He just sat there quietly. I don't know what he's thinking, but he's probably judging me or something. Making fun of me, planning out how to tease me. Before anything else crosses my mind, I feel him wrap his arm around me. I immediately look up at him, needing to wipe my eyes so the tears don't blur up my vision.

"Pony... What's going on.. You haven't been yourself since... That happened..."

I hated this. Why did Steve care for me all of a sudden? Before today Steve couldn't care less if I was dead or alive. So why now? He didn't even care when I was jumped and they pulled a blade on me! They even cut my throat and what was his reaction? Complaining about how they messed up his nose and it was my fault it happened.

"Why have you been avoiding everyone?" Steve had worry in his tone.

"Why are you suddenly so concerned about me? You usually couldn't care less if I'm dead or alive.." I was a bit annoyed honestly and sat up pushing his arm off me.