Crush (Siglai/Fyogol) (Hiatus)

I didn't want to hurt you, even if you're an asshole

On May twenty-fourth, they took the photo for the group "mosaic" and our ID cards for this year. The thing is, it took us by surprise because a teacher had told us they wouldn't be doing a mosaic this year and that they would only take photos of the new students. And we believed it completely.

But no, it turns out the teacher was a gossip, and they were going to take photos of all of us. If I had known, I would have prepared a bit more. In the photo, I looked like a dead man; a dead man who had had way too much coffee to stay awake, combined with three different energy drinks.

A lot of things happened on that day, many of which I'm not particularly proud of. But let's go in order.

They called the group to the library to take our photos. We lined up according to the class list, which was great because I was right next to Sigma. His last name was Fujiwara. Honestly, Sigma looked really good. The last name didn't fit quite as well.

Although, honestly, Sigma Fujiwara sounded better than Sigma Gogol, which depressed me a bit.

But regarding his last name, he seemed to agree with me.

"I hate it," he said to me while we waited in line. "Can you imagine it for a moment? Why should I carry the last name of a woman who abandoned me right after I was born with a man who refused to give me his last name because he didn't want me either? I think that if having children is not in your plans, it's best to abort. You're not going to take care of him, after all. You won't love him either; you'll always have some resentment because you feel like he 'ruined your life.' Besides, this world sucks. So, if you don't want him, you won't take care of him, the conditions are not optimal, and the world is shit, why force him to be born? He won't even notice. And when he grows up, he'll resent you for not taking care of him."

I stayed silent. He made a very valid point.

"Is it selfish to say that I'm really glad you were born?" I asked shyly. I might have blushed a bit.

The good thing is that he blushed too. I smiled. He rolled his eyes.

"Fujiwara!" they called. He made one of his gestures and went to take the photo.

Is it possible to be so in love with a person?

I would have liked to stay in that moment of the day, and that nothing else had happened. But life is not fair, and to be honest, it was partly my fault that later everything would go to hell.

"Nikolai, you're bleeding."

I didn't realize that until Sigma mentioned it. We were standing in line to buy something from the vending machine. I instinctively brought my hand to my nose. The blood was warm.

"Hmmm."

"Nikolai, you're bleeding!" Sigma repeated, and pushed me. "Come on, go to the bathroom and clean up. I'll wait in line, and then I'll come with you."

"U' sur?" It's hard to speak with blood flowing from your nose to your mouth.

"Yes! Go!"

I rushed out. Sigma didn't like blood. When I reached the bathroom, I entered a stall, sat on the toilet, and grabbed some tissue. I was bleeding quite a bit, but it wasn't too severe. Lately, the weather had been hot, but then it suddenly started thundering and raining. All these weather changes caused various nose problems for me. It wasn't surprising that I was bleeding now.

But my luck was lousy, and as the bleeding was slowing down, I heard familiar voices arguing in front of the stall I was in.

"What the hell is going on in your head, Dazai?" That was Fyodor. "I already knew you were an idiot, but now you're going too far."