When the Sun Sets on You

Chapter VII: Smouldering

Tape one.

The back of my eyelids were alive with static. An old television in front of me erupted with a droning hum. My hairs standing on their ends as I leaned towards the screen.

I was back in my old bedroom, the air thick. Around me were VHS tapes stacked high to the ceiling. Rising like mountains above, their plastic covered in a layer of grime. Looking down, I see there is already one in my hands. It's sharpie letters warp and lift from the label as I attempt to read the title.

I've had this dream before, though it had been years since the last. Fear shook me, as the plastic began to meld to my hands. I already knew of this tape's contents.

They were all the same, containing a library of my childhood memories. My mind was always trying to force me to relive the past. There was only one rule to this place; I wouldn't wake until it was played. This was my only escape.

One thing was for certain; every time I placed a tape into the player it would continue to degrade. Becoming nothing but a memory of a memory.

Yes, I know that one day I will have to face everything. Or my demons will escape the confines of my mind. Morphing into a great beast, one that is waiting eagerly to swallow me whole. Though I knew today was not that day.

Reluctantly, I fed it through the player. It began to whirl and click, static slowly escaping the screen. Consuming me in its path, as everything faded into the white.

⁂

'You should play in your room.' My mother appears in the doorway, her face a blurred bruise. I look up at her, shaking my head. The toy in my hand struggles to move along the thick carpet of our living room. I didn't want to go back to hiding, yet I didn't have a choice.

'Go please, don't argue with me.'

'Adria!' The back door slammed; the house shook. My father sounded angrier than usual. His heavy feet stomping against the wooden floors.

I hurried to the stairs. Though as I passed the front door, it began to erupt with the force of a thousand hands. Making me freeze in place. My mother always in a flurry, runs to answer.

'Edmond, open the door!' The same voice, his voice, booms from the other side. Demanding to be acknowledged.

My breath is all I can hear, my voice disconnected from my body. Why am I reminded, that everyone around me always ends up in the same place? I wanted to turn, to force myself to scream. To hold the door shut. But this is a memory, the past cannot be changed. I am not in control.

'Please, I can't do this...' Colours around me swirl, pulling the world in on itself like a collapsing star. Before I am bathed in a blinding light.

The inside of the local Salvos was deathly quiet. My hands run along the rack of worn clothing, searching for a shirt with soft fabric. Yet everything feels rough under my fingertips.

'Do you like anything?' My mother at my side again, heaved a groan. Staring down at her watch. Even years after the incident she still remained dejected.

Being picky was a luxury that I could not afford. Anything was better to replace the clothes already in my wardrobe. As they were now too small with holes and ripped seams. I fished out a couple of items close to my size, draping them over her arms. However, her eyes lingered on my wrist. Staring at the same braided band that I always wore. The dirty strands fraying with age.

'Are you ever going to take that off?' She curled her lip.

'Why should I have to?' Instinctively, I began to play with it. It felt like it was a part of my body, an extension of my soul. Surely it wouldn't be long now before it would break. Before I lost the last part of her.