by your side | j.g. x j.w.

3

warning that this chapter mentions bad eating habits

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Immediately upon waking up, Johnnie is offered the other half of Jake's sandwich. He accepts it reluctantly, taking a small nibble of it.
"Come on dude, you're eating like a rabbit," Jake remarks.
Johnnie grimaces.
"Hey fuck you man," he says in a high pitched voice, attempting to play it off as a joke.
Jake sees right through him, he always does.
"I'm sorry I didn't mean that," Jake blurts out in panic.

"Jake." Johnnie says firmly, "I'm sorry, I'm gonna...yeah," Jake begins to panic.

That's the first time he ever really noticed the way Johnnie often seems reluctant to eat, and doesn't usually end up finishing more than half of his food.
The first time he realized his friend might be struggling, and he made an insensitive joke about it.

"I'm sorry," he mutters, standing up from the couch. Johnnie shifts his eyes to look up at him, an unreadable expression on his face. "Jake," he says again.
"Stop doing that, you're making me worry!"
"There's nothing to worry about here, Jake."

Jake sighs, he would love to believe that. Given Johnnie's past, he can't, but he doesn't want to pressure him into talking either.

"Johnnie, seriously. I'm here for you if you need to tell me anything," he says.
"And like I said, if anything's really going on, I'll tell you. Now let me eat my damn sandwich," Johnnie replies. 

"Okay, I'm gonna take a shower," Jake says. Johnnie dismisses him with a nod, then focuses his attention on the food in front of him.

It's harder than he thought it would be to even look at. He stares at the small nibble taken off the right corner of it, a wave of guilt washing over him.

He has to at least try, seeing as Jake's now on to him. He takes a couple more small bites out of it and sighs, standing up to grab a glass of water.

When Jake finishes his shower, he heads back to the living room and into the kitchen, noticing Johnnie's door is closed on his way over.

He sees a napkin placed strategically on top of the kitchen trash, and shifts it to the side. He discovers a less than half eaten half of a sandwich beneath it.

He immediately rushes to Johnnie's room and opens the door, not bothering to knock. Inside, he finds Johnnie lying on his back, staring at the ceiling with stray tears on his cheeks.

"Johnnie?" He speaks, sitting down at the foot of his bed. "Hey don't do this, what's wrong?"

Johnnie doesn't say a word, but the guilt punches him immediately. He knows that Jake knows, it makes more tears well up in his eyes.
"Please don't shut me out," Jake pleads with him.
It's out of character, and it hurts, but it also pisses Johnnie off an unreasonable amount.

The lump in his throat prevents him from speaking. He wants to yell at Jake, tell him to fuck off, to give up on him the way everyone else has. At the same time, he just wants to break down on him, and cry in his arms to his comforting words.

"I'm here," Jake speaks again. It's enough for Johnnie to open the floodgates, he's inconsolable now.
Jake springs into action, moving to pull Johnnie up to let him cry in his arms.
To Jake, this is weird. This isn't them. But he knows it might be just what Johnnie needs.

"It's okay, It's okay. I'm here," he repeats. "You can talk when you're ready, you don't even have to say anything. I just want you to feel okay."

"I'm sorry," Johnnie finally chokes out. "There's nothing to be sorry about," Jake replies.
"I make you worry too much,"
"That's not your fault, Johnnie. I worry because I care, you're my best friend."

Jake can feel Johnnie nod against him. Eventually, he can feel Johnnie's breathing even out and he hears his sniffles stop.

"I'm sorry, I just...yeah," Johnnie says once he's completely stopped crying, voice still trembling from it. Jake nods, he understands.
The two never really have to speak real words to make the other understand.

"It's okay to let it out," Jake answers, "I'm happy you did, actually."

Johnnie nods, burying his face deeper against Jake. "I just want to get better," he mutters.
Jake puts his hand in the matted nest of Johnnie's hair.
"I know you will," he says softly.

Johnnie smiles sadly, feeling himself tear up again. "You think so?" He asks. "You will, I promise you will," Jake answers,
"I'll be here with you. Every step of the way, for as long as you want me to."

And suddenly, Jake removes his hand from Johnnie's hair, leaning down to plant a soft kiss to the top of his head.

"Thank you," Johnnie whispers, before pulling himself off of Jake and laying down on his side.
Johnnie appreciates Jake, but he isn't so sure being around him is such a great idea at the moment.

He zones Jake out, glueing his eyes to the ceiling and losing himself in his thoughts.

Jake is so gentle with me. I am so fragile for him.

I would get better for him, if it were that simple.

It's hard to eat, even harder to eat good.

It's probably been years since I've had an actual meal.

Johnnie's thoughts are strewn about like papers in the wind.
And Jake is like the worried stranger who rushes to collect them.

He notices the faraway look in Johnnie's eyes, and grazes his hand lightly across his forearm, immediately pulling him back to reality.

Johnnie sits up, bringing his legs toward his chest. He shifts his eyes up toward Jake, who meets his gaze. Johnnie quickly adjusts his gaze away.

"Why don't we go out tonight?" Jake suggests, "it might do you some good."
"Do you mean like a party, or? Because if it's a party, that's the last thing I want," Johnnie objects.
"No, no, not a party. Just a little hang out, you and me."
Johnnie nods his head, "okay, yeah, sure," he says quietly.

Jake stands up from Johnnie's bed with a smile, and lightly pats Johnnie's knee. "Get ready, I'll meet you in the living room," he says. With little more, he leaves the room to let Johnnie get ready.

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been a little bit since an update, sorry about that. i was debating hard on whether i liked this chapter. still undecided, but fuck it we ball.

also!! nearly 200 reads on this is so insane and silly!! thank you everyone who's read and enjoyed this so far, and another thank you to everyone who's left positive comments. They're so very much appreciated!! <3