by your side | j.g. x j.w.

6

I'm back and aced all my finals guys!!! am i an academic weapon or what? mostly just getting back into the swing of writing, because I honestly stopped over my little break. Apologies in advance if this isn't as good as it could be.

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The days following that night have been lonely for both of them. Despite living together, neither has seen the other for days.

They've silently formed a system, where Jake doesn't leave his room if he hears Johnnie around the house until he hears the door close again, Johnnie does the same.

Jake wants more than anything to find the words to make things right, but he can't. It's gotten to the point where he's taken to writing any string of words he thinks might do something down on the notes app of his phone.

Johnnie feels he's ready to talk to Jake, but the fear and anxiety stops him. In the last couple of days, he's found himself lingering outside of Jake's door, his hand rested against it as he works up the courage to knock. It never comes.

Johnnie's a mess without Jake. Even though he's gone periods shut in his room and away from him, it's different this time. The absence of Jake's constant efforts to get Johnnie out of his room drives him crazy, it makes everything feel so empty.

On the other side of this, Jake can't stop beating himself up over it. He wishes he'd never kissed him. Not that night, not at Tara's party, not ever.

It's too lonely without him.

Jake stands up from his bed and walks out of his room, walking to Johnnie's door. It opens just as he raises his fist to knock.
Johnnie looks up timidly, locking eyes with Jake for the first time in days.

He's immediately taken back to that night. To the way Jake's hand felt in his, to the way their lips moved together in perfect harmony, to the way he felt as his back was against the wall as Jake ran his hands on his waist.

It's all too much, and nobody has even said a word yet.

Jake sits down on Johnnie's bed, and looks up at him, a silent plea for him to sit down next to him. He does.

Jake holds Johnnie's gaze. He isn't wearing any makeup. Without it, Jake notices the way his eye bags are more swollen than usual, and how dark the circles beneath his eyes are.

Without thinking, he utters the words, "You haven't been sleeping." Johnnie's face twists into an unreadable expression, not even he could describe the way those words made him feel.

In a way, he's relieved Jake chose to mention that, instead of immediately acknowledging what happened.

"Yeah, I haven't no," Johnnie responds shortly after. "It's hard, y'know? Trying to fall asleep when all I can do is worry if I ruined our friendship."

Jake frowns at this, reaching out for the smaller man's tattooed hand. Johnnie reluctantly lets him take it.

"This isn't your fault," Jake speaks slowly, "I shouldn't have closed off on you like that. It's just that, me and Tara-,"

Johnnie interrupts with a frustrated gasp. "You did that shit to try getting over Tara?" He asks in a half shout.

"No, Johnnie. I was trying to say that...everything's just been so confusing. When Tara and I broke up, it was like, I felt ways that I shouldn't have felt about it, and ever since then...I don't know," Jake says, trying to gather his sporadic thoughts into one cohesive string.

"What did you feel?" Johnnie asks. "I don't know. I don't want you to think I'm low for this," Jake answers. "Jake. What did you feel?" He repeats, voice firmer this time.

"I felt some weird sense of relief. At first I thought it was all because the relationship had clearly been taking a toll on the both of us, but then I really, I mean really thought about it, and...I realized that maybe I was so relieved for another reason," Jake answers.

"And that was...?"

"Well, it was because of you, Johnnie," He answers, fixing his gaze to the corner of the room so he doesn't have to face Johnnie.

The room falls silent, Johnnie loosens his grip on Jake's hand. After what feels like hours, he finally speaks.

"No, Jake," He mutters. "I'm serious, Johnnie," Jake states, "and that's why I started to test the waters, see if I was right. I didn't mean for it to go that far. I'm sorry."

Johnnie tries to find the words. He searches far and wide in his mind for anything he could say, but he ultimately comes back empty handed.

Jake stands up from the bed, turning to leave. "I shouldn't have said anything. I'm sorry if I made things worse," he says.

Johnnie wraps his hand around Jake's wrist, pulling him back towards himself. "Just stay," he says.

Jake nods and sits down next to him. Closer this time, their knees touching.

"Jake, I need you to really understand me when I say this," Johnnie begins, drawing in a shaky breath. "It isn't the right time for all of this," he says.

"You and I, we're both going through a lot, and dealing with it in different ways. It's obvious that we can't be dealing with any extra emotions."

Jake nods in understanding, but it opens even more questions for him. He zones Johnnie out as his mind begins to fill with questions that might never be answered.

"Let's just...sort ourselves out first, yeah?" Johnnie concludes, pulling Jake out of his thoughts and back into his current reality.

"Yeah, that's okay, you're right," Jake responds. "While we do that, we can go back to the way it was before we kissed, right?" He adds, afraid he's lost his best friend.

Johnnie swallows hard, afraid that things might get worse by trying to pretend nothing happened, but the love he has for Jake and his company overpowers any doubt in his mind.

"Of course," Johnnie answers, "I wouldn't want it any other way."

Jake smiles his biggest smile at this, and pulls Johnnie into a tight hug. It's a little awkward, Johnnie isn't exactly one for physical affection, especially after making up with someone. But even he can't deny that it's nice to be held sometimes, and to know that he and Jake will be okay for now.

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hooray new chapter merry christmas eve!!! 
thank you all so much for waiting while i was gone, all the nice comments i received over my break mean so much to me!! hope you all enjoyed this chapter <3