by your side | j.g. x j.w.

5

might be in for an experience with this one.

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Reluctantly, the pair decide to go home around two in the morning.

The cold night air engulfs them as they walk, the wind blowing against their faces, and sending a chill down Johnnie's spine.
Jake's hand is warm in his, their fingers still interlaced, but Jake stumbles on rocks the entire time, dragging Johnnie along with him.

A smile grazes both of their faces once they're sitting in the warm car, but inside there's a pit forming in each of their stomachs.

Jake knows it was wrong to hold his hand, to lay so close together and share such an intimate moment together. At the time, it felt so right, but now it doesn't make any sense.
Especially considering the fact that his longest relationship had ended so recently, and the fact that he's never once questioned being anything other than straight.

Johnnie's struggling to come to terms with the idea of himself having feelings for his best friend. Despite what others might think, he's never questioned his sexuality. Even now, it's something he'd rather not wonder about for a while.
He sighs, leaning his head against the door and getting comfortable for the upcoming forty minute drive.

Once on the road, Jake sneaks glances at Johnnie half asleep in the passenger seat.
Johnnie notices and at the moment, it irks him.

Halfway through the drive, Jake sneaks another look, it lingers for a little too long.
Johnnie doesn't miss the look of fondness playing on his face.

"Can you stop?" He snaps. Jake's caught off guard by this, Johnnie very rarely gets pissed over something so small.

"Stop what?" Jake asks, "I can't admire the passenger princess?" he jokes, attempting to ease Johnnie out of whatever upset him.

Instead, he just glares daggers at Jake, wiping the grin off his face immediately.
He'd never admit it, but sometimes Johnnie's lifeless glares make him fear for his life.
"Sorry," he mutters, turning his attention fully to the road.

Johnnie rests fully on the side of the door, trying to collect himself. The last thing he needed at the moment was for Jake to add onto his confusing feelings.
He knew what was behind those looks, but he wished he didn't. It  just makes everything harder.
He doesn't want Jake to return any feelings, because he knows he'll be okay, so long as everything stays one sided.

In the drivers seat, Jake looks at the horizon line in front of him. Not quite paying attention to the road, but keeping his gaze from wandering to Johnnie.
He sighs, suddenly noticing how cold and empty his hand feels after having it attached to Johnnie's for so long.
He hates the sudden tension in the air, but he feels he only has himself to blame for that.

Jake feels a sense of relief once they arrive back home. Johnnie knocked out in the passenger seat some time ago.

Jake notices that it's the only time he's ever seen him look so peaceful. His face holds no sadness the way it usually seems to do. His lips are parted slightly, the bit of hair that fell into his face moving gently with his breathing.
He feels bad having to wake him up, even for just a moment.

"Johnnieee," he says in a singsong voice, hoping it's enough to wake him up. It isn't, so he pushes his shoulder gently, which is enough to make him stir. "Johnnie," he repeats a little louder.

Johnnie lifts his head, opening his eyes and looking over to Jake. "We're home," Jake tells him, Johnnie only nods and rests his head again.

"Come on," Jake groans, Johnnie mutters something, before reluctantly lifting his head and moving to get out of the car.

Once inside, the two head to their rooms, but Johnnie stops short just before going into his. He turns around and leans slightly against the wall to face Jake. "I'm sorry I was a dick in the car," he says timidly, "I think I was just tired." He pauses before speaking again, "and thank you for taking me out...being patient with me and stuff."

Jake smiles softly at him, taking a few steps from his door to stand closer to Johnnie. "It's okay, and you're welcome," he says.

Jake steps even closer to him, until there's very little space left between them. Their eyes meet, and Johnnie's wander down towards Jake's lips.

Jake notices this, he wasn't subtle at all. He thinks back to the kiss they shared at Tara's birthday party.
That one was a joke, there was a reason behind it. Most importantly, they were intoxicated and unreasonable.

If they were to kiss now, there would be no reason for it, it would make things worse. At the same time, he wants to. In his mind, it could help him to figure some things out.

"Jake," Johnnie speaks, suddenly putting his hand on Jake's wrist, "I know what you're thinking about...so do it."

Jake is caught off guard by this, never taking Johnnie for someone to be so direct. "Are you sure?" He asks. Johnnie shrugs, then nods his head.

At this, Jake rests his hand softly on the side of Johnnie's face, and closes the distance between them.
The kiss they share is passionate, gentle, and...Johnnie's piercing doesn't feel as weird as Jake thought it would.

Jake's mind begins to wander. This is wrong, this is wrong.
But instead of ending it there, he takes it too far. He kisses him harder, desperate to forget who he's kissing and why.

Johnnie doesn't notice, savoring the jolts of electricity and the way his breath hitches as he feels Jake slide his hand under his shirt and run it along his bare waist.

This goes on for a little too long. The two are breathless once they finally pull away, resting their foreheads against each other's, and smiling as they lose themselves in the other's eyes.

"it's better sober," Johnnie mutters, looking up at Jake through his eyelashes.

The weight of what he's just done hits Jake like a brick.

"Fuck," he whispers, "I'm sorry."
"No, no don't be, I wanted it," Johnnie responds. There's panic building in his voice, like he's afraid this ruins everything.

"I know, but I shouldn't have," Jake says again. "Nobody's going to know," Johnnie whispers, voice shaky.

Jake moves his head away, resting both of his arms on Johnnie's shoulders. "I know, but...I don't know what's getting into me," Jake mutters.

Johnnie nods, wishing he didnt understand, trying so desperately to find it in himself to be angry about this. But he can't.

Jake pulls the shorter man in close from his shoulders, and rests his head on top of his hair, letting a few stray tears slip out of his eyes.

"Jake, you're a mess," Johnnie says as he rests his hand on Jake's back. "Break ups are hard, I understand." But I wish I didn't.
He hides his face in Jake's shoulder as tears of his own begin to form.

"I'm sorry I ruined tonight," Jake mutters. "I promise, you didn't," Johnnie says, shaking his head. "But we need to talk about this," he adds.

"Nothing to talk about. Goodnight Johnnie," Jake spits, retreating to his room. The door shuts quickly behind him, followed by the sound of a clicking lock.

"Nothing to talk about?!" Johnnie shouts from outside the door. "Go to bed, Johnnie!" Jake shouts back.

Johnnie doesn't understand anymore.
You don't do that to someone.
He wants to say something, anything that would make Jake talk about it, but his mind won't form the words.

So, he begrudgingly retreats across the hall and into his room, slamming the door behind him.

Jake winces at the force of the door's slamming across the hall, returning his focus to the ceiling once it passes.

You don't do that to someone.

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remember when i said i'd try to update every day of break...☠️

it's 3 AM rn i have school in 5 hours and also probably a test first period but i'm writing this instead oh my god.