by your side | j.g. x j.w.

7

AHHH sorry for the horrible lack of updates, been dealing with a lot that I'll explain at the end of this chapter, let's just get into it.

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"You haven't eaten much lately, have you?" Jake asks once the two pull away from their hug, noticing every sharp ridge on the older man's body feels more prominent since they last hugged.
Johnnie frowns slightly at the loss of contact, but focuses more on answering the question.

"No, I haven't had a real meal since...in a while," He answers, genuinely forgetting the last time he was able to sit through an entire meal.

Jake frowns and ruffles the smaller man's hair, leaving it messier than it already was. "Well, let me make this up to you," Jake speaks, standing up from Johnnie's bed.

A part of Johnnie wants to shut him away, to stay distant as some sort of punishment for that night, but the nervous look in Jake's eyes tells him all he needs to know. The last few days have been punishment enough.

Without a word, Johnnie stands up and follows Jake out of his room. Jake stops in their living room and points to the couch. Johnnie sits down, just as Jake tosses him a pillow and a blanket. He then grabs the TV remote, flips it on, and turns on The Crow. He does all of this without saying a word.

Johnnie wastes no time getting comfortable on the couch, wrapping himself in the blanket and resting his head on the pillow. He watches the movie intently, unaware of whatever Jake's doing in the kitchen.

In what feels like no time, Jake emerges from their kitchen with a small bowl of mac and cheese, six air fried frozen chicken nuggets, and a cold can of Dr. Pepper.

Along with this, Jake's also taken the time to throw some sliced up fruits in a bowl, in case they're something Johnnie's willing to try to incorporate into his meals. He keeps this bowl in the fridge, just in case the sight of something new makes Johnnie uncomfortable eating the rest of his food.

"I made your favorites," Jake says, passing the food to Johnnie with a proud smile on his face. He takes a seat on the couch next to Johnnie and focuses his attention on the movie.

Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Johnnie beside him making decent progress on his food. Jake smiles to himself at this, feeling a sense of pride wash over him.

Johnnie slowly, but surely, manages to clear his plate, much to Jake's excitement. Although the meal had zero nutritional value, it was a large step in the right direction. Jake wastes no time showering the smaller man with the highest praises, to the point where one might think he had just won the Nobel Prize. In Jake's eyes, however, that's exactly what he's just done.

A small sense of guilt begins to pool in Johnnie's stomach, feeling pathetic as Jake's praise washes over him. He'd just completed a normal human task, a necessary part of a daily routine, and yet Jake was acting like he'd just won a prestigious award.

Deep down, it feels nice. After going so long without being able to even bear the sight of food, it was a jarring but comforting experience. Even better, Jake was by his side to witness this small victory.

Johnnie settles for the idea that he isn't pathetic for allowing this win. Rather, feelings of pride and being celebrated are something that have become so foreign in his mind for years that his brain is just having a difficult time processing it all.

Jake scoots closer to Johnnie on the couch, still grinning like a fool. Johnnie feels his body flush at the closeness of the other man. He knows it's nothing new, aside from the newly added confusing feelings.

A knot forms in his stomach, as his body begs him to widen the distance between them, but he doesn't give in.

Jake notices the small uncomfortable expression on Johnnie's face, and he frowns slightly at the sight of it. A feeling of guilt plays at his heart, as he realizes that this is his fault.

The feeling lingers in the background, neither one of the two daring to address it, until eventually Johnnie blows it away with a sigh of contentment.
Jake is here, and at this very moment, it's all that matters.

Jake can feel the tension in the room dissipate, and a wave of relief washes over him. It's his olive branch, his sign that things aren't ruined between them, and maybe sometime soon things can be normal again.

But neither of the two want that. Deep down they both know it, and try to make it their best kept secret.

The lump in Johnnie's throat silently screams his secrets, as he gives a slight glance in Jake's direction to ensure he can't tell. After his once over is done, he focuses his attention on Jake's hands.

His fingers drum nervously on the couch beneath them, Jake's simple way of showing the other man that his silence is killing him.

It kills Johnnie just the same, but he can't trust that the words that are flooding his brain won't spill out of his mouth the moment he speaks.

Until, finally, he can't take it anymore. "I'm sorry," Jake blurts, immediately moving his hand to grip his own thigh in a weak attempt to pull himself up back onto the ground his mind had slipped off of. "I can't do this without you," he spits out again.

Johnnie is at a loss for words as he watches his best friend stumble around in his mind, knowing that he wishes to land in his arms.

As if on instinct, Johnnie rests a tattooed hand on Jake's, and gives him a sad but reassuring smile. "Jake, I'm not going anywhere," he finally speaks, "things are confusing right now, but I promise we'll figure this out together."

Jake lets go of the shaky breath he'd been holding on to and smiles in relief, giving Johnnie a nod.

"I'm better here with you than I would've ever been on my own. Even with the weird feelings and make out, there's nowhere else in the world I'd want to be," he adds.

Hearing this dismisses Jake's original worries, but to say hearing this didn't make his chest flutter and a new knot form in his stomach would be a lie.

"Thank you, Johnnie. It feels good to hear that," Jake smiles.
Johnnie smiles right back at him, looking him straight in the eyes.

"Thank you for watching out for me. It helps to know that somebody cares about me as much as you do," he responds, dipping his head to rest it on Jake's shoulder for as long as the moment would allow.

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we're so back!!! sorry for not updating in over a month lolll :( so much has been going on in my life. first, i went into a really bad depression and lost all motivation for a little bit, but my wonderful and amazing boyfriend who i love soo much helped a lot with getting me out of that!!! second, i just finished having the greatest academic comeback of my life (went from a 20 to a 70 in college algebra and physics). lastly, my dance competition season started back in january so i've been super busy and tired from practice and entire day long competitions </3. so yeah, that's a little brief explanation of where i've been the last month or so. i promise i am not abandoning this story ever, i really truly enjoy writing it!!! look forward to my next update coming may 2024, but hopefully not actually :3

thanks so much  for 7 THOUSAND reads, and best regards to everyone!!! <3