Friends Don't Look At Friends That Way

part twenty-one.

3 DAYS LATER:

"Are you sure about this, Lieutenant?" Questions a hesitant Gaz, whose concerned chocolate eyes are dutifully sweeping the now deserted compound sprawled before us.

An eery silence has settled over the area since the previous criminal tenants packed up and took off - in record timing, might I add. Once they caught wind of what happened to their leader, they cleared every corner of this place to prevent further infiltration and subsequently vanished. One wouldn't even know they had been here at all if it hadn't been for my own experience of seeing this placed armed to the teeth only days ago. It was smart for them to disappear, given my intention to come back and tear every single person apart. That always looming dark and twisted part of me had been looking forward to releasing my pent-up rage. It would satiate my sick needs and exact justice for the friend I should have never left behind, a two-for-one special.

"We find Soap. Alive or not." I demand, attempting to withhold the anger from my tone. My sour mood is not Gaz's fault and I know that, but I am finding it difficult to restrain myself lately. With no outlet for the building guilt and shame swirling inside me, it has to come out somewhere and Gaz just happens to be the poor bastard assigned to this recovery with me.

"Does the sudden attitude have to do with what [Y/N] said?" He prods gently, casting me a sideways glance that is laced with concern. Her harsh ultimatum still bounces through my brain, causing my chest to constrict every time I remember it.

"No. Now focus, Sergeant."
—

It takes us little to no time to clear our way through the abandoned outposts dotted along the perimeter, with no signs of life remaining anywhere.

"I don't think she meant it," Gaz murmurs from beside me, "She is just upset right now. I doubt she is going to banish you from her life if we don't find him."

I release a heavy sigh, eyes rolling heavily behind the safety of my mask.

"I am not doing this for her," I respond. We take slow, measured strides up to the nearest entrance, filing in behind each other. "She could despise me till the day I die and I would be okay with that as long as she is still breathing. I need to find him for me."

Gaz says nothing in retort which I am grateful for. Everything I said was the truth, even if it pains me to say it. Of all the suffering I have endured throughout my existence, none of it quite felt as empty as all of this has. Not only did I lose a trusted teammate, but I left behind the one person who helped my world start to make sense again. I was a cold, hard bastard when I first met Johnny. He saw who I was, much to my dismay, and still never let it deter who he was around me. Even in the darkest of moments, he brought a lively spirit to all he did and it began to thaw the edges of my frozen heart. Over time, I found myself enjoying his company rather than detesting it. When given missions together, he brought out a side of me that I believed was long gone and it felt good.

If anything comes of this search and rescue, the preferred outcome would be to locate Soap's body so we can properly lay him to rest. Johnny deserves that much and I will do whatever it takes to ensure it happens.

Gaz lets out a low whistle a few feet ahead of me, signaling my approach. Littering the length of the hallway are bodies. Each bearing a varying fatal wound, ranging from bullet holes to stab marks. A quick assessment tells me the deceased seem to consist of cartel members and that they've been dead for a few days a most. A stupid spark of hope attempts to stutter to life in my chest as Gaz and briefly lock eyes.

"Soap's handiwork?" He guesses with raised brows.

"Sure looks that way," I answer.

I nudge a boot against the nearest body, shifting it just enough to glance at the unfamiliar face it wears. None of these men, even those I can't see well, bear no resemblance to Johnny. The messiness of their remains and the missing weapons from their holsters suggest that someone with experience breezed through here with ease. Again, that stupid, burning hope burns brighter.