Friends Don't Look At Friends That Way

part twenty-four.

"You don't have to hover. I am fine." You say for the tenth time that hour, giving the man seated at your bedside an annoyed look that he easily ignores.

"The last time I left you alone, you got yourself shot." Price says simply, thick brows raising in challenge as he peeks up from the magazine he is pretending to read. He has flipped through it at least twice in the last twenty minutes, a perfect excuse to linger to keep an eye on you. "Besides, I am not hovering. I am expanding my literary skills with this riveting read. You just happen to be here too."

Your eyes narrow at the slight smirk you see pulling at the corner of his mouth before you tilt your head to read the title of the magazine in his hands. Great Lakes and Fishing Monthly!

"You don't even fish."

He looks at you incredulously, a hand flying to his chest.

"Says who? It's a favorite pastime of mine."

"I have never heard you mention it before." You say, crossing your arms across your chest in defiance.

Price lets out an amused chuckle and shakes his head. His fingers returned to their absentminded flipping of the thin pages.

"I took the boys once. Soap and Gaz dragged me into it. Simon didn't go. He refused to be stuck in a boat with us with no escape. Smart move on his part." The way the serious lines of his face begin to soften as he recalls the memory makes your chest ache. Gentleness is so rare for Price. "We sat out on the tiniest dinghy for hours. Didn't catch a single thing. Though that was probably because those two muppets don't shut up for more than 2 minutes when they're together..."

The brightness that had touched his eyes fades as his sentence does, those hard features settling back into the serious mask he often wears. It doesn't take much to guess where his mind went. Why that brief, rare joy disappeared as quickly as it had come? Anytime Soap is mentioned as of late, Price shuts down. It is as if he is trying to prolong that waiting tidal wave of grief so it won't swallow him whole the way he watched it mercilessly drown you.

"If you're going to play mother hen then could you at least take me outside for a bit?" You offer the change of subject, and scenery, with a smile and hope it chases away even a bit of that lingering gloom.

That hard gaze appraises you for a moment before he gives a solemn nod and raises from his chair to help you out of bed.

***

Once outside, the two of you settle on a swath of grass that overlooks a foreign expanse of forest that surrounds the base you're stuck in. Borrowed from a Mexican special ops team, the building is tucked away in an isolated, yet beautiful area to provide covert operations for its inhabitants. For you, it almost feels strange to be sitting in such a peaceful and put-together place when you are anything but. The irony of it is not lost on you.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Price questions quietly.

"Life is unfair." You grumble in return.

"That it is."

Though a comfortable silence falls between you, that assessing stare of his is tangible enough for you to breathe out a heavy sigh. Captain Price has always had an uncanny ability to pry information from you. Even now, he must sense there is more you're not saying.

"I remember everything." You admit in a whisper, letting the truth fall between the two of you on the soft wind.

At first, after waking up, there was nothing. A black, endless adamant where memories should be. No amount of fighting that unmoving void produced results, at least not at the start. It was only after learning Soap's fate that cracks began to appear in the dark. The days you spent wallowing in silence after Ghost's departure gave your brain ample time to claw that blockade down piece by painful piece until the memories came flooding in. By then, you yearned for that nothingness back. To bury your tender truths behind it once more so that the weight of your grief doesn't crush you to pieces.

"I thought..." You loose a shuddering breath as you pull your knees to your chest and rest your chin upon them, "I thought if I stayed in denial and told myself I didn't remember any of it...it wouldn't hurt so much."

Price says nothing, though his face appears contemplative as he listens.

"With amnesia, the news of him dying was crippling enough on its own. Remembering everything that happened, everything that he said...." Your words choke off in a strangled sob, tears threatening to spill.

The absolute loss of your life. No one else could possibly understand. How your world somehow made more sense with him in it. How every bad thing ceased to exist just being in his presence. Whenever he would enter a room, breathing came easier, even if your stupid heart would nearly beat through your chest. The way your body would crave even just a look from him and sigh in relief when you'd pass longing glances across a room. The true warmth you'd only ever felt in the moments where you'd lie in his arms and listen to every story he had to tell, even if it was one you'd already heard. Or how in your most intimate moments, he always guaranteed you were safe and satisfied. Despite the hurt and heartbreak riddled between your love and lust, none of it ever changed who Soap was or what he meant to you. What you have now lost.

This time when you speak, you are past the point holding back the sobs forcing from your throat, cheeks stained with tears. "This isn't fair."

"I know."

Price raises a hand like he may physically attempt to console you, but you adamantly shake your head. You don't need it. There is no amount of comfort in this world that could soothe the black hole that has opened in your chest where your heart once was. The swirling mass swallows every part of you, leaving your existence agonizingly empty in its wake.

******
HI PLEASE DONT HATE ME! Life has been...*a lot* for me in the past year and I lost a lot of my ability to connect to my writing in that time. I have really been going through it and haven't been able to even put my thoughts or ideas into words without getting frustrated with myself.

This part is short and probably full of errors but I am allowing myself some grace and saying fuck it by publishing it anyway. I thought this nice, tender moment between Y/N & Price was a good little in between moment.

Thank you all for reading and supporting me. It means the world ****