A Forever Type Of Deal

Denial

Chapter 22
Heeras's pov
Miles was finally allowed to go home the next day.
The doctor said he needed to spend the night so they keep him under observations incase of anything.
By the next day, Miles was more than ready to go. Sitting there doing nothing just increased my anxiety but I couldn't let him stay in this place alone. Nothing against doctors and hospitals in general but I sincerely hate hospitals to the core of my existence.
It just triggers my anxiety but in the panick of the day it just slipped my mind.
The parents wanted to stay but I managed to convince them to let me stay .
Now Grays is asleep next to me and my mind won't just shut up.
I'm thinking of everything and nothing at the same time.
I just wanted the dawn to break so we could all get out of here.
"Good morning sweetheart, I heard Rachel's voice from the door.
"Good morning Rachel, I didn't hear you come in."
"Don't worry about that, how did he sleep."
"He was given some drugs that knocked him out cold," doctors said he needed to rest as much as possible so he hasn't woken up once."
We continued to discuss Miles' health while we waited for Ryan to come back from signing the discharge papers.

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We were finally home and I could feel myself breath, like really breath.
The anxiety reduced to its usual levels and I'm just glad to be out of the hospital.
Miles woke up a while after his parents came and after cleaning up and a final discussion with the doctors we were finally allowed to leave.
The car ride was tense.
Nobody knew what to say and figured they really didn't know how to address the whole cancer thing so it was silently agreed we talk at their house.
I couldn't even think to go back to my place or leave Miles alone.
He needed me and I'm going to be here for every step of the way.
So here we are and everyone is settling in.
Rachel went to prepare lunch for everyone even when we all told her we weren't hungry but I'm sure she just needed to distract herself.
Personally I'm in charge of making sure Miles gets to rest up ...
"Winters, I'm pretty sure I don't need that many pillows," I heard him from the door where he was leaning.
I guess I was too lost in my thoughts to notice.
"Sorry, I smiled at him.
'Its okay, come here.'
He just held me for a while, I could feel the remaining anxiety leave my body.
In his arms is the safest place I always want to be.
I honestly loved his bear hugs.
He walked towards the bed and sat down while still hugging me.
I struddled him and just continued to hug him.
We stayed in that position for a while.
I finally let go.
"Hey,
We're going to be fine.
I'm fine.
I'll always be here..
We'll always be here." Miles said as he wiped tears I didn't know were there.
This was really hard and I honestly still couldn't believe it.
I could possibly be losing another person I loved dearly and it just wasn't sitting well with me.
In fact it was sitting terribly with me.
I refused to think that.
Miles who was supposed to be sick was just sitted there watching me as my mind spiraled.
I think he'd already accepted.
How could he just surrender like that.
Its his life yet he's okay.
I know he's not okay, I'm sure he's being strong for all of us.
It makes me feel terrible cause it just wasn't fair.
I also know we were supposed to be the ones consoling each other.
Anxiety is a monster honestly....I could feel it creep up my chest and it was slowly suffocating me.
The mere thought of losing Miles sent me into a spiral and before I knew it I was choking back a sob.
Before I could register I was panicking.
I couldn't breath and my chest constricted painfully due to lack of air.
I was full on crying and I couldn't stop.
I wanted to stop.
I couldn't feel anything around me.
It just made me cry so hard at how helpless I felt.
A few minutes into it , I could feel fingers drawing circles on my back.
"Focus on my voice H, I heard from a distance.
The voice continued to talk to me until I could finally feel air getting in my lungs.
"That's it, you're doing great, now focus on my breathing."
I put my face on his chest and listened to his breathing and his heart beat.
I found myself coming back down from the panick.
I focused on breathing at the same time as him and soon I felt the panic attack slowly leave my body and I shivered at the after effect.
When I could finally breath I looked up at him and he held me so tight as if if he let go I was going to disappear.
"I'm sorry' I whispered.
'You don't have to be sorry for what you went through, you're okay and I'm here,"
He was right, I was okay with him.
That was one of the worst ones I've had in a while.
He continued to rub my back and I brought my focus back on him.
He literally saw me at my worst.
I was embarrassed to say the least but I thought back to what caused it.
I wasn't going to let him go through this alone.
We would fight this together.
We will kick the cancers ass and we would be okay.
As long as its just us, we were going to be okay.
With that I looked up at him, " I love you Miles Gray, my forever person."