Inside complete Nihilist

Anil-the perfect Nihilist

Intro of the protagonist:

I've always been what most of people fancy themselves, but i know they just fancy themselves. Being skeptic comes with a price, most people whom u backquestion they simply think you're being egoistic. Hence not a very huge friend circle, only a handful of friends with similar mentality. I said similar, not same as most of them are introverts & being introverts mean that they have a lot of spare time to ponder upon a statement but that nowhere makes them a skeptic person but nevertheless similarity exists between us.

Chapter-1:
One day, I was thinking about my friend's word which he said. It's not possible to read someone through their body language as there could be more than 1 factor that can imply what a person is doing. I was pondering, and I also remembered a youtube video i'd searched on the topic 'HOW TO BECOME LIKE SHERLOCK HOLMES' where the youtuber explains, "yes there could be many reasons for a person's state and behaviour but if you manage to find similarity in between one or two, you can surely read someone for ex:- my friend who is generally full of smiles, didn't smile fully or naturally (for this there could be many reasons like his breakup, someone close to him's demise, or others) but then I observed his distances from his close friend. His close friend he too was avoiding him and seemed a little off hence I was sure the fight or disagreement between them would be the reason that my friend's smile didn't seem genuine.

I concluded that my friend who thinks reading someone is impossible because of 100s or more of permutations for anyone's state or behaviour is incorrect as if you go narrowing it down through his slight changes and making a connection can offer you insights on point. I was on my thoughts before someone interrupted 'how have you been, Anil?' I uninterestingly replied "bien, y tu?" He puzzled, only then I realised that I spoke spanish that i'm trying to learn. I corrected myself "Good, and you?"
He knew that i don't like foreplay hence he directly comes at the point saying he needed a favor off a question. In my head "fucker's a topper, and never does he trust himself. Even while writing answers in exam, he cross checks with me despite always writing correct" I replied "Si, go ahead...i meant yes, go ahead" and for the first time his question was worth listening and thinking about, "I've been a believer, but now hard times is making me question my beliefs, and it also gives me no time to carry on my religious activity, so i'm planning to become atheist, what's ur take; should a person be a believer or atheist" I cross - questioned him "why me, why it is me, whose opinion matters?"
He counters it "Everytime i stumbled upon mysery, the only way out of it was ur suggestions, more specifically ur opinions" I replied "U asked me, only because you wanna turn into an atheist knowing i'm atheist and so i'll tell u all pros of being atheist and not cons but the truth is I'm nihilist, from what I see being atheist and believer is all but a man's choice"
He said "no, you're wrong. I mean I do know you're an atheist but i asked you because you're the most skeptic person i've ever met, you don't put ur feelings(which i think you lack anyway) and put fair words on and for the table." "Emotionless, that's what this fucker has been thinking of me, and now he mentions, i think i am an emotionless guy" my head murmuring to itself and spoke "it doesn't matter whether ur believer or not, being believer means ur putting random faith that god exists and I must please the god, that's why my solemn duty is. People who believes in god could be for two reasons, duty and love. Most people think it's their duty to please god and most think I must do everything in my power to please him for he is the only good doer in my life, only he can but free my soul. But you been believer for third reason, you were raised to be one and once you started being skeptic you realised it's all but senseless to you. All the things that made sense to u started turning senseless. You no longer felt the need of someone called GOD. You think, only you can control your life. Now, being non-believer is no less than being believer. Non-believer do but believes that god doesn't exist, must non-believer credits random particles interacting with each other for billions of time only for one permutation that life arose. In both the case people can only believe, there ain't truth. No matter what you become. You'd always live a life of uncertainty. And the only way out is NIHILISM"