Short Stories

Ka-Boom!

KA-BOOM

I guess you could call this a letter or note or something, I don’t know, but let’s be friends ’Kay? Now as my only friend in the world I have to tell you something vitally important and ticks me off when someone gets it wrong. So remember this ’Kay?

I don’t have vertigo. A common misconception, but allow me to make this absolutely clear. I, do not, Have, Vertigo. What I am afraid of is falling; and no I don’t mean like the stock market crashing, I mean like actually falling. Falling off airplanes, off a stepladder, tripping, any kind of physical falling. No vertigo. ‘Kay? I have no problem with heights. Hell, I work on the 90th floor of the Sears Tower.

I’m an accountant, crunching numbers for a living not exactly the kind of life I imagined myself having in thirty years. If I was bring honest with myself, honestly truly, I wanted an American dream. Wife, kids, pet, white picket fence that whole spiel. Nowadays I tell people how to do their taxes and tell them I want to live on a beach in Maui, more people can relate I think.

I think I’ve done pretty well in my lifetime, I’m not saying I’ve never done anything bad in my life I mean who hasn’t done something they know they shouldn’t at least once in there lives. Although what I’ve done is pretty high up there in the bad scale at least that’s what the government is shoving down my throat but they ain’t caught me yet…what’s it called embezzlement? Or siphoning accounts? Gotten myself almost killed though, people putting bombs under my car and throwing things like Molotov cocktails at my house.

You know how people say that if they could go back and correct one mistake they wouldn’t? Well, I say different. It feels as though my life was one big red F on a test of life. Just full of mistake after mistake. Never caught any breaks. Whenever I told people this they just told me to stop my complaining and being a little whiny baby. I thought this was rude, but maybe I was? Doesn’t matter now.

Maybe you’re thinking why don’t you just kill yourself if your life was so horrible. First off your supposed to be my friend that’s kind of depressing, but expected everyone else wants me dead why not my only friend? Anyways never had the stomach for it. Taking the easy way out and all was just cowardly. Well, that and I never had the courage, and I was afraid of falling so no hanging or jumping from my building, and I didn’t feel like getting all that paperwork done just to use a gun for a minute and electrocution is just way too expensive. Why ruin a good hair drier or toaster just for my little problem?

What was I talking about? Oh yeah life and things. You know that one moment in life when suddenly your whole life is in perspective everything makes perfect sense? Yeah me neither. But I did have a moment where my entire destiny and life were laid out in front of my eyes and then ripped away…very harshly I might add.

Let me see it all started when I went to this bar I inhabited every time I got depressed about talking how depressed I am, so about twice a week. It was called the “Hayloft”, a scummy little place with corny decorations and depressing lighting. There was this waitress sitting at the edge of the bar named Deloris and man did that girl look nice, especially with four or five beers, but like everything else in my life, bad timing (and luck) on my part. She was married to a member of the 48’s, a gang in the west side. No one is quite sure why they’re called the 48’s they just are. However that didn’t stop me from looking at the pretty little thing. Just ‘cause her husband might kill me if he sees me just talking to her, didn’t matter…especially after four or five beers. I was invincible.

Unfortunately she caught my eyes staring at hers, unfortunately she came over to talk to me, unfortunately A member of the 48’s watched the whole thing go down, what’s so unfortunate about that if y’all were just talking? Her husband was a very jealous man and the members of the 48’s were not know for their honesty. See what I’m saying about these breaks and me? Never being able to catch them? The little rat decided to grace her husband with a visit saying how me and Deloris were cheating and all these odd things. My, was he Jealous.