Number 15 - Katie McCabe

1

I've never been more nervous in my life. Excited, yes. But nervous out of my mind. My knee bounces up and down on the car seat as I drive to Emirates Stadium where I'll be signing my one year contract at Arsenal as the newest attacking midfielder. I bite the skin on the edge of my lip in anticipation while my hands tightly grip the steering wheel. I've pissed off a lot of people by going here, but somehow, I knew it was the right thing. Recently, my two year deal at Tottenham ended and I had two options. Renew my contract at Tottenham, or move to a rival club... Arsenal. I'd say a lot of people were shocked by my decision, I always said how much I loved playing for Tottenham, but it was never my home. Not really. Some part of me would always cringe when I told people I played for the club, and when I found out that Everton sold me to the club that I had grown up to hate, it felt like a nightmare. Not that I'd ever admit it though. But how could I be happy when I grew up watching Arsenal games with my dad and tried constantly to score like Thierry Henry at every football game as a child. Every game I played against Arsenal was nervewracking. Although I wanted to prove myself by scoring the last minute winner or shooting top bins, some part of me would always deep down feel like I was betraying my younger self. Arsenal was my goal, and nothing and no one would get in the way of that.

As I shift the gear into park, an overwhelming sense of anxiousness and excitedness overcomes me. I try my best to push down the nerves and take the keys out of the ignition. "Pull yourself together, Willa. You've worked so fucking hard to get to this moment." I say to myself before opening the car door and stepping out onto the concrete, where the papers I need to sign and players I'm going to see await. That part I'm dreading. There's only one player I wish I didn't have to see, but I have to. I clench my jaw at the thought but force it out of my head as I walk through the doors of the stadium. Almost immediately I'm welcomed by Jonas, who leads me through. "Great to have you here Willa. So, the agenda for today is before the signing, we'll get you into your new kit and then we will have you sign your contract, followed by some photos;  our media team will also get a few videos and shots of you while you have your tour around the stadium, and then you'll be able to meet the girls in a couple of hours at training today. How does that sound? I know it's a lot to take in." He says with a laugh while he guides me through to get changed into my kit.

"Thank you! And yes, that sounds perfect, I'm looking forward to it." I smile as we walk into what looks to be the changing room.

"Great, well here is where you can get changed. Your other kits are in your locker but the one for today should be laid out for you. Once you're done just come back through the doors and our team will lead you to the signing room." With that, Jonas leaves the room and I'm left alone with my thoughts, still taking everything in. As soon as I turn the corner, my jersey catches my eye. The red, gold, and white with my name "PARKER (2)". It almost doesn't feel real, I catch myself smiling as if it's Christmas day. I change into the kit and as soon as I slip the shirt over my head, something clicks for me like it didn't with Tottenham. It felt like home.

Finally, I sign my contract and get a few photo's taken with Jonas and other staff members. From there, it's a blur. What were supposed to be a couple of hours, felt like minutes, and before I knew it, I was going back down to the changing rooms to change before meeting the team. Even though I was excited to see the players, I really wasn't looking forward to seeing her. My fists clench for a moment as I walk into the changing room, my mind filling with anger. Don't let her ruin this for you, if she does, she wins; I tell myself as I get changed into the black training kit. A pit of anxiousness forms in my stomach while I tie the laces of my football boots. What if the players don't accept me? What if this wasn't the right decision? Yet again, I push my thoughts down, I have to be confident or they'll just see me as a weak ex spurs player.