Willa Parker has just transferred to Arsenal from Tottenham Hotspur, rivals of her new club. Although she's excited to be joining the Arsenal family, one player she has a past with. Will they work through their issues? Or will they continue to despi...
The rest of the day consists of me in bed, trying to ride out my hangover that suddenly hit harder once I got home. Luckily my neighbour looked after Kiko last night while I was out, so I didn't have to worry about him, and right now he's laying next to me in bed while I scroll through my phone. I smile when I find a cute photo of Beth from this morning which I decide to post to ease the awkwardness from breakfast.
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liked by bethmead_, viviannemiedema, katie_mccabe11 and 43,837 others willaparker2 just a girl and her much needed coffee @bethmead_
bethmead_ Awww leahwilliamsonn beth is so cute arsenalfan15 did anyone see those photos of leah and willa?
The start of the week goes pretty smoothly, training for the Villa game is underway and I'm nervous out of my mind, like there's a huge weight on my back to perform well, or else I'm going to be benched the whole season. But I guess this mentality has its positives and negatives, as in one way, it pushes me to be better, work harder. But in other ways, it's very draining mentally. I'm talking to myself in my head a thousand times per minute saying I'm not good enough, that I don't deserve to be here, that it's a miracle that I even got signed to this club in the first place. I have my dad to thank for that. Of course I'm a confident player, I know my ability and how I can change the game, but it's hard when my dad would always tell me how weak I am, how I'd never make it, that no matter how hard I'd try, I'd always fail. It sparked a fire in me to prove him wrong, but every moment I slip up or make a mistake, his voice is amplified in my thoughts, saying how terrible I am. Yet for some reason, a part of me is always trying to prove myself to him, that he is wrong. It's never worked, yet. But as soon as I signed for Arsenal, he was my first thought. Would he be proud that I signed for his favourite club? Would he be proud seeing me alongside these amazing players? I've pondered on it too much... For too long. And I'm hoping it doesn't make me fall right into the deep end.
The sound of my alarm wakes me from my deep sleep, an hour until the last training before the game this weekend starts. I groan, wanting to sleep for longer, but I know I should get up. For the past couple of training sessions, nothing much has really happened between Leah and I. She drove me to training yesterday and it was fine, there was obvious tension between us, but I didn't act on it like I usually would...Because of what she said. It keeps replaying in my mind. "I really like you." The thought makes me nervous and I've been trying not to show it, but I think Leah is slowly cracking into my shell, weaving her way into the core of my mind, gradually finding out my true thoughts. I think that I've been distancing myself from her subconsciously, especially at training. If we have a group exercise, or need a partner for something, I'll always pick someone over her as I don't want anyone to find out about us yet, and it makes me feel terrible because of how close I am with her. But I'm still so unsure of my feelings and want to play it by ear. Is it selfish? To keep something going with Leah, even if I'm not really sure of how I feel? But what if it is right? What if I break it off, and it's the worst mistake I could make? The thought causes anxiety to build in my stomach and I try my best to focus my attention on something else. Katie and I haven't really talked since breakfast the other day other than small talk, but whenever we have, that weird tension between us keeps coming back and I'm not sure what to think of it. I'm glad that we're on somewhat good terms but I'm still weary of her knowledge of Leah and I, and I don't really want it to come out to the rest of the group. I haven't even told Beth yet, even though she keeps questioning me about the marks that were on my neck. Thankfully they've minimised a fair bit and I've made an effort to cover them with makeup but you can still see them slightly peeking through if you are looking. After sitting with my thoughts for what seems like ages, I finally get out of bed to make myself breakfast and get ready to leave, but in the time I'm doing so, my mind is still a mess, running a million miles an hour.
