Number 15 - Katie McCabe

13

I give myself a few minutes to take in what I've just seen and to realise that it's not the end of the world. I guess stuff like this does happen all the time in football, but I've never fully experienced it until now. But it's not the article, nor is it Katie that worries me, it's Beth. What is she going to think? In all honesty, the photo looks pretty deceiving. I mentally face palm at myself for doing that, but I didn't think, I didn't take a second breath, but I should have. With the amount of people that were in the cafe, I guess it was bound to happen, but I didn't even consider it as a possibility. I've constantly talked to Beth about how much I don't like Katie, why she was the reason I was weary about coming to Arsenal, that I'll never forgive her for what she did. If she has seen this, I know that it will feel like a stab to the back. And I'd never want her to think I'm going against her. As soon as my thoughts about Beth fizzle out, my mind gravitates to Leah. Some part of me feels even guiltier for her, even though this photo hardly means anything, but I guess people's opinions could differ seeing how Katie and I are looking at each other. But I was just trying to get an answer out of her, there's no way that I would look at her that way in any other circumstance. I take a deep breath before opening my phone again. I've got texts from pretty much everyone about it, all except one person. Leah. I feel a wave of worry pass through the nerves in my body, do I text her? Do I pretend nothing's wrong? I don't know what to do other than ask for advice and explain myself, which is why I open Beth England's text first.

Beth
Hey
Call me when you get the chance

Fuck. I call her as soon as I see the words on my screen and almost immediately she picks up the phone.

"Hey," Beth says awkwardly as her face lights up on my screen.

"Hi Beth," I reply and as soon as I do, I know she detects the worry and nervousness in the way I speak. I'm usually good at hiding it to everyone else, but she can see right through me.

"Okay, what's up?" She asks, the awkwardness in her voice now turning to concern.

"Oh my god, where do I even start?" I sigh, running a hand down the side of my face in frustration with everything that is going on.

"Start with the photo I think," Beth laughs, trying to ease the panic that I obviously am not that good at masking.

"Okay, firstly, I swear, that photo looks so deceiving and is not what it seems whatsoever. Since I've come to Arsenal, I've been trying so hard to be on good terms with Katie, but nothing is working at all and she just won't talk to me, it's so frustrating," I start ranting, my jaw clenching as I relive the argument I had with Katie. "At first, I thought I could get over what she did to you, but I don't think I'll ever be able to until she actually has a good reason why she couldn't fucking apologise like a normal person would. That's why I was holding her hands in that photo. I was trying so hard to be empathetic and kind so she could feel like she could talk to me about it, but of course, she still wouldn't crack," I continue, annoyance running through my veins as I talk.

"Look, Willa, I love you and really appreciate you sticking up for me, but she's your teammate, you shouldn't be holding onto this," She replies sympathetically,

"But why? You deserve an explanation. Yes she's my teammate, but you're my closest friend, and I hate that she hurt you," I say angrily, my mind replaying the moment Beth went down, making me even more mad.

"You're right, I do, but it's football, and things like this happen. You're only going to make things worse for yourself if you dwell on it. And besides, I'm the one who got injured, and I'm over it, really. I'm fine for you to be friends with her, and I really think you should let it go, it's been over a year," Beth says reassuringly, calming me down somewhat. I know she's right, I don't know why I've been holding onto it for so long, why I can't let it go, even though Beth said she's fine, but I have to try. I will be jeopardising the team, and also my place there. I shouldn't be fixated on this, I have to look ahead, which is the Villa game and is far more important than this feud with Katie.