Heathers Oneshots

I hate it - McDuke

A - H - C

Setting: Bathroom

Tw: Gender dysphoria, ED

This made my trans friend cry (Is it wierd I'm proud of that?)

Guys I actually love this omg

Heather Mcnamara POV
Heather Duke was sitting on the ground next to the toilet.... Again. She was clutching her stomach, trying desperately not to cave in to her bulimia. 'Ugh, grow up Heather, bulimia is SO '87' Heather Chandler sneered, fixing her lipstick in the mirror.

It took everything in me not to glare at her as I kneeled down next to Heather. 'Heather is right, maybe you should see a doctor Heather' I said to her concerned. 'Yeah Heather.... Maybe I should.....' She said back, her voice barely louder than a whisper. 'Heather can you turn around? I know you hate it to see me like this' She whispered to me. I quickly turned around, she was right, I couldn't handle seeing her like this. It wasn't long before gagging sounds erupted from behind me before the sound of vomit hitting the water of the toilet, followed by the smell.

Heather quickly flushed the toilet, silently crying. Heather Chandler rolled her eyes at Duke. I don't really know what came over me but I decided to speak up. To Heather fucking Chandler.
'Heather, can you leave me and Heather alone for a little?' She looked at me, not mad per se, just really confused, which I get. She opens her mouth to make some snarky comment but Veronica steps in, kissing her cheek and whispering something in her ear which leaves her blushing as red as her blazer. It took some getting used to them dating, but it's all fine by me. Whatever Veronica said must have been really.... Convincing... Because she clears her throat and says 'Yeah sure, whatever' I send Veronica a silent thank you with my eyes, and she smiles in return, taking Heathers hand and pulling her out of the bathroom.

I kneel down next to Heather Duke. God, why do we all have to have the same name? It's so annoying. She's crying silently next to me as I wrap my arms around her.

Heather Duke POV
I hate it. I hate it. I hate it so much. Why me? What did I do to deserve this? Why do I have to be born into the wrong body, why do I have to puke my guts out just to feel some satisfaction? I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate everything. I don't look good enough. Not girly enough, not skinny enough even though you can count my ribs when I'm changing for PE and I'm nothing but bones with skin over it. I'm still not thin enough, not feminine enough. It doesn't matter what I do, I will never be like them.

I can't do anything without feeling trapped. Wrong. If I move I'm doing something wrong, if I talk I do something wrong. No matter what, I'll always be a boy. People will look and stare, 'see there's that goddamn boy' I can't stand it. I can't stand that word. Boy boy boy boy boy. I hate it. It's all I can think about. How do I look? Am I too fat? Not feminine enough? Will people finally see me as a fucking girl? I'm done, I'm so tired of fighting, correcting people, spending hours looking at my reflection until all I see are mistakes. Imperfections. My jawline is not soft enough, my lips are not big enough, my hair is not long enough, my eyes are too small and my lashes too short. All I see is that goddamn word. Boy boy boy boy BOY. All I see is that word, all I hear is that word. Every time I hear it it's like a stab in my heart. They're not even saying it to me and it still hurts. No one cares what I want or feel. They'll only accept me if I am what they want me to be. Except for Heather. She's been there since the start, every step of the way. When I changed my name, when I started HRT and when I got top surgery under the guise of getting 'implants'. She was there. When people swore at me and kicked me, she kicked back for me.

But she doesn't get it. No one does. No one knows how it feels, how it burns. Every second of the day, every day of the week it hurts so much I feel like I'm dying and no one knows. They don't know how much it hurts and what's even worse, they don't care.

He, he, he, he, him, him, him, his, boy, boy, BOY!

'SHUT UP!' I yell, tears streaming down my face faster and faster. 'Stop it, shut up' I say, sobbing now. I finally open my eyes to see Heather hugging me, now tears in her eyes too. It takes me a little while before realizing I just yelled at her. 'Shit' I whisper, moving away from her. I'm just so scared, I don't want to hurt anyone. I know how much she hates yelling. Her parents had a messy divorce a little while ago and... I cover my face with my arms. I've ruined it again.

'Heather?' She says, voice breaking and I can't breathe properly anymore. I swear under my breath, over and over again. 'Fuck, fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck I've ruined it I'm ruining it again shit' I don't stop talking, even though what I'm saying doesn't make any sense and I don't even realize she's hugging me again until I feel her warm breath against my cheek and I just black out. I'm still conscious but my mind just stops. I'm still crying into her shoulder as she holds me. I grab her shirt so hard my knuckles turn white and I swear I can hear something rip but it doesn't matter. Not right now.

'Heather?' It sounds way more defeated than I'd like to admit but she doesn't seem to mind as she looks at me, waiting patiently for me to continue

Heather Mcnamara POV
'Please don't let go' Her voice sounds so broken and I almost lose it. 'I- I won't, I won't let go' I reassure her, not wanting to make her feel worse. I hate seeing her like this. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. But there's nothing I can do about it. Except hold her and make her feel safe, wanted. That I can do.

Yeah there is a Shitton of Duke angst coming since I love traumatizing people lol. No but really I am going to write about her struggles a lot, so be prepared! <3

Also sorry for not updating last week, I had 0 motivation and suddenly it was saturday already and I didn't have the energy to update 5 days late

(I wrote this on saturday whahahaha)