Heathers Oneshots

Okay - McDuke

H - C - A

TW: Attempted suicide, mentions of SH, ableism

Basically shine a light reprise but with Duke instead of Veronica

Heather Duke's POV

'Oh just go kill yourself or something.'

Heather Duke said to her girlfriend with a smirk and a playful eye roll, gently nudging Mac's shoulder.

'Oh...'

Was all that she replied with before quickly walking off. Heather frowned. She didn't take it seriously, right? It was just a joke. She knew that.

....

She knew that...

Right?

Sure, she'd been really stressed lately. The pep rally was coming up and some girls got added to the cheerleaders last minute so she needed to change the entire routine, on top of the regular school work, which was already harder for her because of her dyslexia, and she was looking out for her girlfriend all at the same time.

But sure, Heather had checked up on her a couple times to make sure she was coping okay.

Well... at least once...

Right?

No.

That's when she realized.

She'd been wearing long sleeves again.

Oh no

Her girlfriend was absolutely not okay.

Heather Mcnamara POV
She stared at the pills in her hand. Heather had told her to do it right? So why shouldn't she?

Sensing something behind her she quickly turned around, facing her girlfriend. Something felt off though, it didn't feel like her. Her usual caring gaze had made place for a cold stare. Before Mac could say anything she was cut off by Duke, who let out a barky laugh.

'You're pathetic. I didn't think you'd actually do it. But sure, go ahead. Are you stalling?'

She looked away. Sure her girlfriend would never say this but there must be a core of truth in it right? Or else she wouldn't be thinking this, right?

She was useless. She didn't understand social cues or could read facial expressions or tones... she didn't know when people were sarcastic or if they were being mean or... she was a failure. She couldn't do anything right.

She silently cursed herself every time she missed a social cue or started talking about something others aren't interested in. No one wants to know about your dinosaurs, or space, you don't have to teach anyone your stupid sign language or teach them about Greek mythology. And no one cares about your comfort shows and food and just talk if you're non verbal or just calm down if you're having a meltdown just breathe when you're having a panic attack it's not that hard.

She let out a soft whimper. Her mom might not have been around for long but she was right: no one cared about her autism. Or her dyslexia. She was just an attention seeking-

'So you are stalling. What a surprise. Hey look everyone!! Mcnamara is stalling again!!'

Her girlfriends voice was so cold that she was surprised the air didn't immediately freeze in front of her.

'N-no...'

'Y-yes'

It sounded so mocking, causing tears to stream down her face faster. She tried to open the child proof caps... but she couldn't. Of course she couldn't; she's useless like that after all.

Another barky laugh, ice cold and cutting through the silence.

'Wow, you're so useless. You can't even open the bottle of pills. How pathetic.'

She glared at her 'girlfriend', opting to smash the bottle on the sink instead, empting the pills into her mouth and staring at the hallucination.

'I'm not useless'

It came out muffled, but strong nonetheless.

The hallucination wavered ever so slightly when the door opened, soon disappearing and making room for her actual girlfriend, in flesh and blood, an incredibly worried expression on her face.

Heather Duke's POV
Something in her screamed to run after her girlfriend. She never sprinted this hard down the stairs to the bathroom before, silently cursing her heels as she almost tripped down the stairs. She sprinted into the bathroom, freezing up at the sight before her. Her girlfriend was looking at her with big eyes, cheeks puffed out from all the pills stuffed inside, finished off by the now-almost-empty bottle of pills in her left hand.

She slowly walked up to Mac, holding out her hand.

'Spit them out'

It was a short but clear order, getting the message across.

'Suicide is a private thing...'

She mumbled past all the pills in her mouth, before spitting them out. Suddenly, she collapsed against Heather, sobbing violently. She quickly wrapped her arms around her girlfriend and sat down on the ground, crushing some pills in the process.

'I- I'm sorry...'

It was barely audible against Heather Duke's shoulder, but she could hear it loud and clear nonetheless.

'Wha- why are you apologizing? Hey, hey, look at me.'

She gently grabbed her girlfriend's head from her shoulder, looking her in the eyes.

'I'm the one who should apologize Heather... I've completely forgotten to check up on you and neglected your needs, especially when you're under this amount of pressure... you've been so busy with cheerleading and school and me and everything else... you haven't been busy with yourself. Or well... not in a healthy way at least.'

She motioned to her arms, which had some white bandages sticking out from underneath them. Mac looked down and quickly pulled down her sleeves.

'I didn't want to bother you... I'm sorry...'

Heather Duke grabbed her girlfriend's hands tightly, looking her in the eyes.

'Heather you'll never be a bother to me, especially after how much you've helped me grow and I don't want to see you hurt. I want to make sure you're coping in a healthy way, not by hurting yourself Heather.'

'Can we go home now...?'

It was soft and sounded so, so broken

'Yeah, of course'

Heather Duke kissed the top of her girlfriend's head, opting to sit in silence with her for a little longer.

'You know... y-you told me to kill myself'

Her face dropped.

'Well yeah- but I was just kidding-'

'No.. after I came in here...' She shakily pointed at the door 'Over there. Y-you told me I was stalling and that I was useless...'

Heather Duke leaned her head against Mac's.

'That was just in here love, in your head. Nowhere else. I would never call you useless, because you're everything to me, and I love you.'

Heather Mcnamara hummed softly, clearly satisfied with the answer as she buried her face in her girlfriend's neck.

'Love you...'

ALSO EXCUSE ME HOW DID I SOMEHOW GET OVER 500 READS?? HELLO??? THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH OMG <33

I promise I'll try to update more regularly, if you guys are still interested in me continuing this?

Next one is gonna be really angsty since I've been struggling with some stuff irl 🤭 

Sorry not sorry <3