Ninety Nine Days - Phan (Boyxboy)

Chapter 6

Dan's POV

"Can I see him?" I asked, my voice croaky and high from sobbing. The paramedic sighed and I looked at him, straight into his eyes. "Sir, I... He's seriously injured and is borderline unconscious, the ambulance is en-route to the hospital," he replied with a dead tone.

"Please! I have to see him!" I pleaded and hot tears pricked my eyes. I wiped them away quickly as they flooded down my cheeks. "You've got to understand - I need to see him."

My own hoarse voice droned on between sobs filled with heartache; I mumbled nonsense and just cried. I was so worried about Phil, and the voice inside my head kept shouting, "it's your fault." I broke down. It was my fault. My thoughts were right. I'd done a terrible thing and now my best friend and boyfriend was unconscious in a hospital bed. He could have been dead for all I knew.

He was all I had and now it was like he was gone. Like my Phil had been snatched away from me and there was nothing I could do about it. I felt so helpless; I was still so weak from the shock that while the paramedic calmed me, I felt like he was forcing me to stay seated. Forcing me not to see the terrors within the ambulance.

I whimpered softly into his shoulder and he rubbed my back, trying to comfort me the best he could. But he couldn't. Only Phil could comfort me. My Lion. My Phil.

I looked at the paramedic, his face twisting into a horrid imitation of Phil's, his hazel-green eyes resembling Phil's when he was concentrating, turning from blue to green like a magical mist, and his brown hair darkening and growing into Phil's style. He was already trying to replace my Lion, and I pushed him away fast. I suddenly didn't like him anymore and I felt as though he was trying to stop me from being with Phil.

My mind longed for Phil's embrace; yet was being tricked by the hold that the paramedic had on me. I knew that he meant no harm to me, and was concerned that I could attempt to injure myself again, but my mind longed for Phil's arms to be wrapped around me and his smile to whisper that everything is going to be ok; for him to rock my body back and forth in a calming rhythm which would lull me into a peaceful state.

I let out an exhausted sigh, making him jump a little. "S-sorry..." I whimpered, my body shuddering slightly from the thoughts of my beloved Lion. The paramedic seemed to understand and shuffled back, yet remained close enough to stop me if I tried anything. I stood, staring at my surroundings with bleak and broken eyes.

I had caused this - caused Phil to leave. He left for his own safety, and I still caused him to to get injured.

"Well... Well I don't have to stay here... Where I'm obviously not wanted..."

I shakily took out my phone from my pocket and turned it on. The home screen was Phil with a Totoro plushie that we got from our trip to Japan; he looked like the happiest man alive. We had taken so many pictures and had so many good memories from it.

I stood staring at my phone as I browsed through the gallery. Japan had been amazing, but we had to return to our normal schedule.
"He was your world, and you've done this. You've injured him. HE COULD BE DEAD!" The voice in my head whispered harshly. I had hurt Phil, I had accused him of things that I naively thought were true.

How could I think it was true!? Phil would never cheat on me, but I yelled and screamed at him for something he never did.
"He was innocent in all of this, but you had to yell at him. You broke his heart, and what did you get in return? Phil, all beaten and broken, that's what you received," the voice scolded my actions in my head, speaking to me like a parent would to a disobedient child.

I felt broken and alone, both physically and mentally. I clutched my phone as tightly as I could, afraid that it would disappear and shatter like grains of sand to be lost in a desert.
"Why are you being like this?!" Phil's voice played in my head, as if to ask why I had caused him this pain, why I had pushed him away all on an anger fuelled belief. A lie I told myself because I was so blind for my own thoughts.

"I'm so sorry Phil... I-I'm so sorry," I croaked out, staring bleakly at the road towards the general hospital. The paramedic remained nearby, leaning against the wall and staring at his hands. His lime green uniform had splatters of blood on it from the other man who was involved in the crash which was now drying.

The paramedic stood beside me, and spoke quietly: "he's probably going through emergency surgery to stabilise him - he will probably be out in a couple of hours. You can visit him, if you'd like?"

My eyes widened at the paramedic as my mind began to grasp what he had said. I could see him. My Phil, I could hold him, talk to him and I could spend time with him like I used to. It would be like normal, just for a bit. I looked back down at my phone, staring at the lock screen of Phil and his Totoro plushie, tracing my thumb up and down his face, gently, like I should have been with him earlier. The happy tune that we knew started to play in my mind, and I started to quietly hum the tune, just as I had many times before with Phil.

"Tot-oro, toto-ro, totoro, T-t-otoro," I sobbed quietly, memories flooding back to me like a tidal wave. Our time in Japan; his laugh; his innocent smile. Everything about him and me, the way we would speak to each other, cuddle with each other, film with each other. It was the best feeling that I could have, and it all started from me sending him that one letter, when I was just another fan in his crowd of fame.

I never thought that it would escalate to where we were today. I had caused this, and desperately needed to fix it; to fix us, and it would only happen if I went to see Phil.

I finally rose and began to run down the street that the ambulance had fled down, running to make amends to what had happened, to what I had caused. Running to my lover, my partner in crime and most importantly; my Lion.