Ninety Nine Days - Phan (Boyxboy)

Chapter 18

Dan's POV

I hovered around the phone, waiting, hoping. Hoping someone would call and tell me Phil was okay, that he was going to be okay. But, like every other day, no one did.

It was so much quieter without Phil. His laugh could fill the room, his smile brightened my day. He didn't even have to speak, just the slightest thing would make such a big effect on me. He could give me a smile as he walked in, or a quick kiss as he left, or trip over himself and go red and make me laugh.

Then, of course, there were the many incidents when he'd drop a bowl of cereal on the floor and cut his hand trying to clear it up and I'd put a Hello Kitty plaster on his hand and kiss it better.

I wished I could kiss him better now.

Unfortunately it wasn't as simple as that this time.

The silence was deafening, the waiting was pointless. The hoping was hopeless.

Hell, what if I killed him?

No. I had to stay positive. There was no point in thinking like that. But there was every point. At least if he did die I'd be able to deal with it better. Probably. Maybe...

"Hey guys!" I shut Phil's laptop on his gorgeous glowing face after watching countless videos on Phil's channel. I couldn't bear to watch any more; couldn't bring myself to lie to myself and pretend that was him in front of me, happily waving and grinning back at me, those eyes oceans that I drown in, his smile warm and pink and comforting and his pale skin cool and calming.

It felt like I'd been living without Phil for years. Surely it had been years. Where was he?

I looked over at the door, expecting him to walk in, or even better, be already standing there, grinning, head bandaged and his innocent face still bruised, and he'd yell, "surprise!" In his sing-song voice and I could wrap my arms around his skinny waist and pull him close and kiss him better. He'd never have to do anything again, oh Phil.

Why did you have to go? Why did you have to be so perfect, so understanding, you knew exactly what I wanted? What I needed, yes I needed space to calm down but not this much space. I'm not calm. I'm never calm without you. Come back.

Come back.

I wasn't sure how long had passed since the accident, but it did feel like ages. Days must have passed but somehow it only felt like a day. One long day that lasted years on years. I hardly slept, if at all, and I couldn't remember the last time I'd eaten. I know I'd drank, the taste of all that alcohol still lingered in my mouth and the smell clung to the flat; the walls; the furniture - our furniture. Our furniture.

Mine and Phil's. What we picked together. What we chose while trying to be responsible adults. When we first moved in together. The rooms were empty and dull, the only things in them were bare lights, the fireplace and Phil's bed in his room, which he couldn't move out. He secretly liked it, although he would never admit it.

We picked out our sofa, which I love but Phil seemed to despise because of the positions I'd get myself in on it: my favourite, the famous sofa crease. We decided it was a good option based on the fact that we were both giants and could lay across it - because that's the main characteristics people look for in sofas. We picked our cabinets, and our TV, and even the Christmas tree.

Our Christmas tree. How could that Christmas tree be the same without me hanging around the back of it and Phil sat in front of it trying to set it up. How could Christmas be the same without him? Without the crazy blaring lights resembling all the emergency services in the whole of the UK outside the window? Without Phil singing Christmas songs from the moment he wakes up on November 9th until the day after New Year? Without him opening his candle calendar and scaring me to no end when he forgets to put them out? Without him stealing my advent calendar chocolate and me letting him and secretly being fine with it, despite the raised eyebrow and the sarcastic comment or the glare I shoot at him on camera. Nothing would ever be the same again.

Hey guys. Long time no see. Or. Type. Anyway. Please read this, I'm sorry this chapter's so short and delayed, this was probably supposed to be completed by now but things happened and I've not been motivated for...months as you can see. Anyway! I want to continue with this, sorry if it gets bad, there is only one of us writing this now and unfortunately for you guys it's the unstable one xD hope you're all okay and I'm sorry this has taken so long to update.

- Cloud☁️