forever is a lie | kl |

17

( Major breathing problems, kms)

Tonight we all had a movie night and we watched a Chuckie movie and I was laughing through out it.

"Omg, Lesbians!" Marsia got really fucking excited

During our second movie which was the One Direction movie, everyone voted for it even though Mel and I protested against it we still watched it.

The boys came in during the 1D movie, I was laying on my stomach on the floor with a pillow between my arms, Kian decided to sit on me.

"Babe, get off." I whined he just sat there with his chin on top of my head and may I add getting pop corn in my hair.

I heard giggling I looked over where it was coming from and it was from Jess andSam. Me being me yelled

"YES, JESS IS GETTING THE D TONIGHT!" and everyone looked over at them and 'Oooohed' she blushed and hid her face in his neck.

I ship it.
(She lowkey doesn't like Sam anymore b/c she grew out of her o2l, Sam phase)

Around 2 am everyone fell asleep I was still awake for some reason this always happens to me I just think about everything.

How were born in one day. How we die in one day. How everything can change in one day. I guess you can say I'm afraid to die, but then I would like to because I don't want to go through pain in the future.

I feel as if I need to have my name know and do something for this world, I feel as if I had a purpose  (Justin). Like I was born for a reason right?

I didn't know I was crying  "Are you okay?" I was paralized I felt like I was stuck in the same spot and time was still.

I got out of bed and ran out side I went out onto the boat dock.

"Mandy, Wait!" Kian yelled

Once I got out side i feel on the deck crying and bawling; I'm scared.

I heard the deck creak behind me, my eyes were shut tight and my hand over my mouth the press my sobs in.

"Baby girl what's wrong?" It was Melanie I knew when she said baby girl

I looked out to the water, I felt her cuddle next to my left and I felt someone sit next to me, it was Kian. I could tell by his scent.

"Mel, I don't wanna.." I trailed off and started crying, she knew what I was gonna say. This happened before the first time I spent the night at her house.

Me, Marisa and Mel were all sleeping in Mel's bed and I was at the left side, Mel in the middle then Marisa. I was getting sorta pushed off and I woke up.

So I went on the floor to sleep, I couldn't and I was thinking of touchy topics. I had a blanket over my head and was on my phone.

This was freshman year

Mel heard me crying and so I explained to her what I thought was happening and what was going on in my head and I also told her that I couldn't sleep.

She slept on the floor, me on her bed.

I realized I have separation anxiety, once I was crying at Marisa's house at 4 am.

"Baby girl you know I love you right? You have to talk to your dad about this, or just we could go together and not tell anyone else. You need some help." She softly said to me in my ear

" I don't want to be here." I cried

Mel's pov

"I don't want to be here." She sobbed, I looked over towards Kian who had an alarming look on his face. "What do you mean baby?" He asked, she just cried more.

"Babe, I'll be right back okay." I whispered in her ear, she nodded.

"I'm gonna go get you head phone's."

I gestured for Kian to come with me, "What are you doing?" He asked "Follow me." I pulled him a good few feet away from the dock and onto the grass

"Okay, she has this like seperarion anxiety thing and it gets bad I guess. Also she will cry because she just wants to, you know, die. Because she doesn't want to deal with pain and suffering in the future, but then she wants to stay because she feels like she was born for a reason.

"So umm if she ever gets to how she is now, just get her a phone and headphones and let her play music and games. It helps her, also rubbing her back and soothing her helps too. I'm going to go get her my phone and headphones I'll be right back." I tell him, he nodded along with everything I was saying

I went into her room got my phone and headphone I saw Jenna was awkw playing video games on her t.v.

"Where were you?" She asked

"Outside on the dock, Mandy was having her anxiety thing again." I tell her reaching for my headphones

"Do you need any help?" She asked

"No, Kian is it there helping me." I say

"Okay, ily."

"ily."

Kian's pov

I sat down besides Mandy and wrapped my arms around her" Baby I just wanted to tell you that I love you so much and I'm so happy that you're in my life now.

I couldn't picture it to be anybody else, you make me really happy. Okay? During my teen years like highschool and still now, I get really bad anxiety so I know what its like babe. Just say the word, I'll drop everything and come cuddle with you until you okay again." I tell her

She stopped sobbing now and was calmy resting in my arms looking out at the water.

"I love you too Kian." She looked up at me, I leaned down and kissed her.