TW mainly sh and overall mh stuff
I was getting better. I was doing so well, I wasn't suicidal anymore and the only problem left was my family and I had/have plans to avert that problem tho it will take nearly two years. And now I'm not getting better. I am so much worse, I'm suicidal again, and I keep saying 'no I won't do it I have my gf' but then one or more of the voices in my head pipes up and if I still had those fucking tablets I'd have taken them by now I think, so thank you to my gf for making me get rid of them (/srs). I do wanna live but its just so hard. And like I just- it hurts and I can't do this but I have to do this.
Yk its 3:20 am, I was planning on being asleep by 2 am tonight coz I was actually semi tired. Now I'm sat here, can't sleep, awake af with my arm and leg and stomach stinging like a mf. I couldn't even cut deep ffs, most of the cuts I did will fade in a week. I'm so pathetic I swear, I can't fucking do anything right. Speaking of, i managed to cut a styro the other day, which is deeper than usual (for me) but not dangerous so that's cool. What happened to her? I wish I could do one tonight but nooo it fucking hurts too much. Fuck this.
Also I can guarantee I won't remember writing this so if I've said something worrying dw, I'm not going to kill myself. Anyway, in gonna try sleep now goodnight
YOU ARE READING
ghost band
Randomme rambling what's on my mind because I'm bored and I want to write but I'm not horny and yh I do have 20 unfinished ideas on my oneshots books rk but like i said, I'm not in the mood to write them, these will have tw's and if you know me irl (YOU K...
