𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐍 & 𝐄𝐂𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐒𝐘-𝙜𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮

FIFTEEN

I wasn't sure where I was walking to at first, but I had found my way to the Med-hut, seated beside Newt.

It was rare when I would come and he was awake. His fever went down and his ankle was a lot better, but he was asleep for most of the time. Clint had told me in private that when his thoughts were at their worst, this is how he coped.

I understood Newt, sleeping definitely was better than facing reality. Sleep allowed me to ignore the stupid voices and thoughts, if they didn't somehow worm their way into my dreams.

I hadn't actually meant what I said to Gally, about me dying in the woods. I didn't want to die, but it would have been easier to succumb to my wounds than deal with the aftermath.

I felt so stupid for getting into an argument with Gally. I felt so stupid for saying all those things in front of everyone. I felt so stupid.

I didn't fight the tears this time and let them fall down my face freely. I never knew a moment of peace since arriving at the Glade and I couldn't remember if I ever knew peace at all. It felt like I was constantly fighting an inner war where the enemy was myself alone.

Maybe I had been weak, but only in the sense that I let the boy's words get to me. That I never really believed myself or even Gally. I only believed the worst of myself.

I was the villain in my own story. Anything else was just a byproduct of my own making.

But I could be different. Gally wanted the girl I used to be, but what I had said was true. Too many things have happened to me to become that naive girl again. But I could be better than that. I just didn't know how.

I sat with Newt a while longer and he still slept, so after a while I got up, kissed his forehead and left. It had gotten dark and I made my way back to the hut. I practiced in my head what I would say to Gally. I would apologize first and I was stuck on what I had to say after that.

I stood at the entrance, peaking into the small hut. Gally sat against the wall, his head against the wall, much like how he was in the Slammer that first night. His lips moved with soundless words and I wondered what he was thinking right now. Most likely about the stupid fight.

I knocked on the entrance and his head snapped in my direction. He watched me warily. "You've never knocked before."

I lifted my mouth in a half smile awkwardly. "Yeah, I know. I don't know why I..." I stepped inside holding my arm close to my side. "I'm sorry."

He shook his head. "You don't have to apologize. Maybe I have been a little overprotective, but Flor, if you had seen you that day..." His face hardened. "I wanted to kill those shanks. With Jackson, before, I didn't want to actually kill him. I only wanted to hurt him. But the way I thought of killing his friends-

His body tensed and then he took a deep breath and relaxed when he released it. "It scared me. But all I could think about was you, practically broken. And your screams, when you called out for me. They haunt me." I didn't know how to reply to him, but it was okay because he kept on going. "I never want to hear them again. I never wanted to leave your side because I was scared someone would hurt you again. I don't think I could live with myself if you ever died."

I moved, sitting next to him and throwing my arms around him, feeling myself break at his words. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for saying those awful things. You didn't deserve them."

His arms found their way around me and he rested his chin on my head. "I know. It's okay."

I moved back, staring at him with wide eyes. "No, it's not. I love you too Gally and you don't say those kinds of things to people you love."

He smiled softly. "I love you too Flor." We stared at each other for a couple seconds and then I saw something flash behind his eyes and the look in them changed completely. I wasn't sure what it was and I felt something change in me as well.

He moved towards me slowly and I found myself doing the same. Hand was soft and rough at the same time as it traced up my arm and held my cheek. I moved my hand to hold his and leaned in so there was no space left between us.

It was rough and rushed, nothing like I had ever imagined. Not that I have ever imagined kissing Gally ever.

Okay maybe once or twice, but never did I think it would actually happen.

My heart picked up its pace and I felt lightheaded. Either from the fact that I was actually kissing him or from the lack of air I wasn't sure.

Eventually we had to pull apart to breathe. Gally's pupils were blown out and his lips were red. I couldn't imagine how I looked. His hands were still on me and I couldn't bring myself to pull away from him.

His eyes scanned my face and he gave me a sad smile. "Why can't you see yourself the way I see you?"

I smiled back reassuringly. "Maybe I could learn to."

Listening to: Make you feel my love; Adele

The night passed by too quickly and I had found myself tangled with Gally's limbs when I woke up. We had spent the whole night kissing, trying to get it right and when we did, it was like nothing could pull us apart.

I wasn't sure when I had found myself in love with Gally. I knew I cared for him deeply, and I had assumed because I had spent too much time with him, I was bound to have fantasies. But as we spent the night getting closer and closer, I realized that I couldn't imagine a time when I wouldn't be able to call Gally mine.

If I could even call him mine.

He took a while to wake up and I had spent that time studying his face. I've never been this close before and wanted to remember every freckle-how have I never noticed he had freckles before-and counted every lash on his eyes.

Listening to: Honey; TRACE

I had wondered yesterday if I had ever known peace and I knew that in this moment I had truly felt it. My mind was quiet for once, and my heart beat with every breath he took in. I smiled and traced the defined lines of his lips.

His mouth twitched and I felt him smile beneath my finger. His arms, which were already wrapped around me, pulled me closer and he nudged my head up so he could rest his face against my throat. He took a deep breath in and sighed contently. "I could get used to this." He murmured, his breath tickling against my throat. I laughed and moved down so we were face to face. "I miss your laugh."

I blushed. "I guess you'll have to make me laugh more."

"I guess so." He closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against mine. "Is this real?"

I smiled. "As real as anything else." He smiled back, turning his head to kiss my palm that rested against his cheek now. "You should get to work now. Someone's going to come looking for you."

"I don't want to." He pouted.

"Too bad. Come on, get up." I started to sit up, but he pulled me back down.

"Wait." He pecked my lips. "Okay now we can get up."