Trace

Chapter 20

El's P.O.V.

   Wearing a blue tanktop and white shorts, I step outside and am embraced by the warmth of the morning sunshine. There is a slight breeze and I take my usual seat with my book that I started reading yesterday- Dear John. I plug my earbuds into my phone and put one in my ear while I listen to Lana Del Rey's "Blue Jeans". I breathe in deeply feeling refreshed from my morning's shower and I try to clear my head with Lana Del Rey and my book. However, my mind trails back to thoughts of Harry...

   *************************************

   Niall's P.O.V.

For the millionth time, I listen to my parent's quarreling. I try my best to tune them out by turning up my music louder and louder, but to no prevail. I hear Mum scream something at Dad and there is no doubt she's crying. My heart beats loudly in my chest and I strip off my tshirt and put on another pair of shorts. After tying my shoes, I run down the stairs and out of the house.

  The day is beautiful and I think about many different things. I take my jog to a light sprint and feel the cool summer's breeze envelope me and turn up the volume on my iPod. I continue my run around the neighbourhood and to the park and am sweating by the time I take a break. I fall down onto my back into the green grass. Despite all that's going on and the music blaring into my ears, my mind trails back to thoughts of El.

**********************

El's P.O.V.

  I have told neither Ayla nor Anne about Harry. As a matter of fact, I haven't talked to either of them in a while besides small talk over text. As much as I miss them, I know if I go to hang out with them, conversation will bring up Harry and I can't handle that now.

  I am doing much, much better though my  heart aches sometimes of the longing to speak to him. Niall had said that we were real, and that I should forgive him. I have forgiven Harry but I don't know if I can ever come back to trust him that he will not hurt me again. My mum has informed me that Aunt Hannah came home from the hospital and that she's going to be staying with her for awhile. I badly wanted to cry over the phone to her and tell her all about Harry. I miss her hugs and I just want her to tell me that it's alright.

  I put down my book and go in to get a glass of water. It's only 11:30 and I decide to go for a ride.

*******

 The meadow is beautiful, with flowers of many colours in full bloom. I sit down and I feel comfort, as I remember my many trips here when I was younger. I lay down and inhale. For the first time in a long time, I pray. I wonder if God is even listening, or if he even cares about heartbreak. But it seems like the right thing to do, so I continue. I pray for strength and healing but don't mention Harry exactly. After I'm done, I sit up and look around. No one is there and I feel oddly disappointed.

***********************************

Harry's P.O.V.

 I don't mail the letter. No, I don't want her to open the mailbox and see it. I don't want to take the risk of getting it lost on the way to her. I want to make sure she gets it. So, I drive to her house. When I arrive, I think twice on knocking on the door. Instead, I go outback to her garden and through the fence. I see the same picnic blanket that was there when we last talked and notice the book Dear John and smile as I remember her telling me she was a Nicholas Sparks' fan. I tuck the enveloped letter in the book and leave.

***************************************************

El's P.O.V.

 It is mid-afternoon by the time I come back home. My phone buzzes from my pocket and I pull it out.

Niall:) : How are you doin?

~ Fine, thanks. Just spent some time outside and relaxed. Hbu?

Niall:) : Just chillin in my room with Molly...she's such a fattie :p

~Ha! That's not nice!! She's cute and cuddly :)))

Niall:) : Yeah yeah X

  I lay my phone on the counter and make myself a sandwich. I take it out to the garden and lean against the rock. It is the first time in a few days that I feel genuinely...happy. After I finish, I pick up my book and notice something sticking out of it. I pull an envelope out of it and stare curiously at it. Realisation dawns on me and I lay the letter aside. I know exactly who would give me a letter, and right now, I have no desire to cry or feel sorrow. Instead, I leave it on the blanket and go inside.

  I walk up to my room and lay on my bed and think. My mind wonders back to my birthday, some weeks earlier, and smile at the memory of Ayla trying to get me drunk, but I didn't want to drink. Harry had gotten me a bracelet with different charms on it, and gave me a great long kiss. I fell asleep thinking of the time Harry and I were in the meadow, his arms wrapped around me, the two of us as content as could be. . .

  It was dark when I awoke and I was surprised that I had slept for so long. It was nine o'clock and the moon was full, shining lumuniously through my open window. Remembering the letter, I rushed down the stairs and into the back garden. The moon gave perfect light as I lay down in the grass to read.

         My Dear El,

     I love you. With all my heart, with all of my soul...I truly love you. It took me too long to realise this and I made a mistake that I wish I could go back in time and turn the whole thing around. I bear such a foreign pain and my heart feels lifeless. I see no purpose to smile any longer, because everything seems to remind me of you. I terribly miss your beautiful smile, your laugh, and your whole self. I hate myself that when I first came to love, I lost it. I lost you. Gone with the girl who could take my breath away. I cry the tears of regret and longing. I am aware of how much I hurt you, and if this is goodbye, then so be it. I understand why you wouldn't want to see me again. I broke and shattered our bond of trust and I broke the promise I once gave you that I would never lie to you. My aplogies may run through eternity, and I am so sorry. If I can make this up to you, you name it and I'll give you the stars. If you want my kiss, I'll give you a million. If you want my touch, I'll give you my body. If you want love, I'll give you my heart. Because I know that I can love you the way you need. I can't begin to explain how much I miss the trace of your touch. I love you in every complete way there is possible and I now know this to be true. Everytime I close my eyes, you're there. I hate to live a day without you and without knowing that you're alright. I love you, El. I love you. I love you. I never imagined saying that to anyone before, but now I can picture myself saying that to you everday. I miss you, baby. If you won't be happy with staying with me, then do not come to me. I want what will make your heart full and happy, and if it's not with me, I understand. If I should never see you again, please do not try to forget our love. I want you to remember me by the happiest details and do not cry over me. My heart would surely fail if I knew that you were hurting of a memory about me. I love you. So, if I won't be hearing from you, goodbye. There can't be a Heaven without you, so I am sure, that in another life, I'll be with you. I love you.  I'll be seeing you, my angel, I'll sure be seeing you.

                                                                                                  ~Harry