Trace

Chapter 51

EL'S POV

I wake up under familiar thick blankets, but am shivering.

"Harry- why is it freezing in here?" I whine, rolling over to face him.

However, when I open my eyes, the bed is empty.

I am alone.

Reality slaps me in the face for what feels like the millionth time, and it just may be that.

I throw back the blankets but quickly pull them back over my shivering body.

Vaguely, I remember driving over here late last night after I couldn't get sleep in my own bed. I now start to wonder if it was a bad idea- coming back to Harry's desolate flat.

It leaves me too much room to think about certain things, and if there is no one or nothing to preoccupy me from them- I will surely over think it all.

I hear my phone ring from the kitchen, and I at first ignore it, thinking it is Harry trying to reach me yet again, but I soon go against that major possibility and hop out of bed anyway.

The instant my toes make contact with the dark wooden floors, I yelp slightly from the sharp pain that travels up my leg from what feels like the frozen ground.

"Hello?" I answer breathlessly into the receiver, but unfortunately I just missed it.

I take the phone away from my ear to see who it was, and surprisingly it was not Harry. It was Ruth.

I debate with myself whether I should call her back or not. If I do, in fact, return her phone call, surely the topic of Harry will be brought up- even if it's just the brief mention of his name. I suddenly find myself stressing over what I would say to her.

The answer comes clear and plain to me.

Harry and I are done.

Those five simple words hit me like a ton of ragged bricks, and tears threaten the corners of my tired eyes.

Whether I like it or not, Harry and I are over.

The idea is rather challenging to wrap my mind around, as Harry has been my entire world for the past four months. It has literally been impossible for me to picture my life without him.

It is absolutely incredible how someone can completely take over your life in such a small time frame.

The phone in my hand gets heavier and heavier. I sigh as I pick it up to call her back.

"El?" her bubbly tone blares through the speaker and vibrates my ear drum.

I wince a little and quickly decrease my phone volume.

"Hey, Ruth. What's goin' on?" I feign a cheerful tone, "sorry I missed your call, I'm over at Harry's and-"

The words are blurted out of habit before I can even think to draw them back in.

"Oohh is he there?" she giggles excitedly, and it absolutely breaks my already shattered heart.

"No," I reply simply.

She makes a whining noise in the other end.

"That really sucks, love. I'm sorry," she sympathises.

I shrug even though I know that she cannot see me.

"Well I called to see if you wanted to go to the cinema today," she offers.

I am about to politely decline, as I am truthfully in no mood whatsoever to fake a smile and act joyfully all day for the sake of someone else, but I know I cannot fall into that depressing routine.

"Sure," I accept, trying to add happiness into my voic.

I can hear Ruth giggling and she shouts "She said yes!" and I admit that this does make me grin.

"What time should we meet? And I'm assuming you mean the cinema near Rosewood, right?" I verify.

Ruth pauses on the other line.

"Oh, yeah, yeah. Sorry- Finley is trying to talk to me...shut up, Fin! I'm trying to have a conversation with El!"

My heart begins to ache in my chest.

"Sorry 'bout that. Okay, I will text you a time in a little bit, I still have to check the times. Is that okay?"

"Oh, yeah. Of course," I respond, leaning against the cold granite counter top.

"Okay, El. I will see you in a short while!" the excitement is once again evident in her voice.

"And maybe you can even meet Finley!" I can practically hear the beam in her voice.

"Totally," I attempt to sound enthusiastic, but it ends up coming out forced.

After we hang up, I make my way on my numb soles of my feet back to Harry's bedroom. I don't even bother looking at the thermostat because I know it either must be broken or all the way down on low.

Nevertheless, I crawl back under the comfy blankets of his bed and try to shut my eyes. My head is beginning to have a dull throb in it on the side I was injured, but I decide to ignore it.

My mind trails along the thoughts of Harry. He has left me countless voicemails, mainly him crying into the phone or cursing into it, and several texts begging me to pick up the phone.

I know I shouldn't feel bad for him, but I do. Of course I do. I still love him with all of my being, but I have to learn to let him go.

I have to.

His behaviour is just getting worse, and it would not be healthy for me to stay in a relationship with him. I am well aware that he never intended on hitting me, and I pity him for what he is most likely going through right now. However, I also have to look on the side of how he ended up in the position to raise his fist in the first place.

His reason for his furious outburst was completely illogical and uncalled for.

If I return to him, it will only encourage the thought that as long as he feels bad about what he has done, I will go back to him. And I cannot have that.

Laying in Harry's bed sends a numbing pain over my body. He should be here with me. He should be here with his strong arms around me whispering into my ear. I should feel his warm body on my back side and his cool breath on the back of my neck.

I need Harry.

But until he steps up and really, truly proves to me that he is going to change, I have to stay away from him.

And I am not looking forward to the challenging days to come.

{ hi guys! thank you so, so much for reading my story! it really means so much to me. unfortunately, this weekend I will be away and I won't be able to update- so that's just a heads up. I will probably update one or two more times before this Friday. Sorry for such a short chapter, by the way; im extremely exhausted and worn out but i really wanted to post. Anyway, please vote and comment..I really love to hear your feedback :) thanks again for reading!! love youuu xx }